As longtime readers will know, even when not overtly racist, the Post is extremely right-wing (remember the “Axis of Weasels” cover?). They’re usually pretty straightforward about it, but sometimes when they sniff an opportunity to associate their causes with a popular backlash, they get a little overeager and creepy.
The recent MTA fare hike, which brought out the pretend-populist in Mike Bloomberg, has does the same for the Rupert Murdoch paper. Today’s related “Pulse” section article starts by addressing the paper’s real audience, Republican suburbanites: “YOU don’t have to like New York City-style public transportation, but the vast majority of us have to take it…”
Then, to show that Posties are regular guys, they go a little blue: “…right in the caboose.” Haw haw! Turns out conservatives are allowed to refer to ass-fucking, but only as an act of violence.
They go on: “Since dumping tea in the harbor isn’t an option” — an apparent reference to the conservative Tea Parties attended by dozens of their readers — “it’s time to hand the occupying maroon-coats a straphangers’ bill of rights.”
What rights would you imagine? To ride in something like comfort, and to have a decent degree of mobility at reasonable prices? The Post offers instead a list of pet peeves. It’s supposed to be a joke, but the punchlines seem to have been written by someone who hasn’t been inside an actual subway since Crocodile Dundee was regaling audiences with “Naow that’s a knoiff!” Peeves include: scary ethnic musicians (“rattling a change cup for percussion as their big sombreros and upright basses poke people’s eyes out”), bums (“asleep in urine-soaked pants”), cell-phone users (amiright? They’re almost as annoying as airline peanuts!), and crooks who are “hopping turnstiles like they’re playground apparatus,” presumably in a hurry to catch Wild Style at the Selwyn, which is the last time anyone saw such a thing.
Please, fellas, you don’t have to work this hard. Just go back to adding new adjectives to Republican press releases.