Tired of relying on entropy and black ops to secure his landslide, Mayor Bloomberg today unveiled at his campaign website “Mike’s Plan for a Better NYC Transit System.” Among the highlights:
“Free crosstown buses on select routes in Midtown.” And worth every penny! Unmotorized wheelchairs cross Manhattan faster that city buses. We suggest Bloomberg construct crosstown tramways equipped with rope ladders and, for the disabled, winches.
“Countdown clocks on subway routes.” Normally, asking for a subway schedule will get you laughed off the platform. Though such things exist, New Yorkers know the train comes when it comes, seemingly beyond the control of mortal man. But some lines, like the L, already give notifications on the platform, and though they’re not always reliable they’re pretty good. If it is instituted system-wide, late-night weekend riders on crap lines like the G will appreciate the warning that the train is an hour away, so they can get out and hitchhike or steal a car.
“Reopen shuttered LIRR stations in underserved neighborhoods in Queens.” It couldn’t hurt, though the Fresh Pond station will make for one hell of a reclamation project.
“New commuter van service to provide cost-effective mass transportation service to underserved neighborhoods.” By the time the city gets through with it, the Dollar Van will be the Seven-Dollar Van. And we doubt it’ll have live music.
“Smaller buses to service existing routes during less crowded periods to reduce costs in order to boost nighttime service.” Short bus! If they really increase the number of them (and assuming the late-night, driver-must-drop-you-where-you-want rule still applies), it’ll be like jitney service. But it will remove the pleasure of drunken late-night three-seat sprawling.
“Pilot light rail or street car services in North Brooklyn and Western Queens waterfront neighborhoods.” Oh, please let it be streetcars, and please let them be horse-drawn.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on August 3, 2009