Today’s Boob Day here at Runnin’ Scared HQ (we know, we know — for you, every day is Boob Day). But it’s an extra special Boob Day, kind of like the pierced nipple of Boob Days, given my “smut peddling” co-blogger Foster’s get (which, if you haven’t seen, is here). And so, in AA (is it Ashley Alexandra or Alexandra Ashley? Who the hell cares?) Dupre’s honor, I’d like to issue a small large craft warning:
Boobs, my friends, are not always what they seem. In the case of AA’s, it wouldn’t be unfair to hypothesize that they look like what they seem, likely thanks to a skillful doc, but they may not feel like what they seem, because no doc is that skillful. In the case of AA’s, they are also not AAs.
And in the case of another woman — Claire Smedley, bearer of the Number 2 Most Massive Mammaries in Britain — THEY CAN KILL. (Or at least smother to a state of near-death.)
True, this information comes straight from News of the World. But when does news lie? The world is exactly where boobs live, no? Plus, believing this story is fun. Not to mention, there’s video! Beyond any of that, the tale showcases masterful construction with an O. Henry-esque tragi-comic denouement woefully rare in today’s degraded society of “Twilight novels” and “political scandals.”
The mum-of-three, who has 40LL breasts, panicked when she lifted them up to find her lover Steven had stopped breathing.
Claire said: “I was panicking and just about to call 999 when thankfully he started to come round. He was really woozy, like he was in a trance. Then he sort of coughed and sat up. I was so relieved.”
Lucky Steven survived his ordeal, but the pair’s relationship did not: “After that he went off sex.”
The moral of the story: Be wary of the boob, people. It is wily and dangerous, something Elliot Spitzer and the hapless Steven now know all too well.