Reasons To Be Happy You’re Not at Bonnaroo: 2010 Twitter Edition

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Braver men and women than us have foundered in the muddy, marijuana-soaked waters of Bonnaroo, the annual four-day music/camping festival on the grassy flats of Manchester, Tennessee. And though there is Jay-Z, and the Gaslight Anthem, there are also predatory drug dealers, sweltering heat, multiple bouts of rain, and dudes in tie-dye, playing didgeridoos outside your filthy tent at all hours of the night like it’s their fucking job. Here in New York, our superiority complexes don’t need much reinforcement, but just in case you found yourself dreaming of that Phoenix set on the Which Stage (or is it the more whimsical What Stage?), here are a gang of reasons why you’re better off here than there:

FYI, this tweet was sent around noon.

A man calling himself Jonny Sex Music will find you and hug you.

Ace music critic Charles Aaron is very rarely wrong about anything Jay-Z related.

Venereal disease! It’s like Vietnam over there.

This lady is the best. Let us help you with a visual here:

Yeah, definitely, let a strange woman named Rheana Murray shove a pickle down your throat.

Somewhere amongst the teeming Tennessee masses is a man who has just coined the term “Bonnarude.”

No seriously though, enjoy those communal bathrooms.

Mushroom fountain, eh?

It’s only a matter of time until “Puff the Magic Dragon” b/w “Bad Romance.”

Enjoy, hippies!