Reasons To Be Happy You’re Not at Bonnaroo: 2010 Twitter Edition

Over/under on number of hulahoopers I will see today?? #bonnaroo

— Sean Gumin (@sgumin) June 11, 2010

Like a million?

Braver men and women than us have foundered in the muddy, marijuana-soaked waters of Bonnaroo, the annual four-day music/camping festival on the grassy flats of Manchester, Tennessee. And though there is Jay-Z, and the Gaslight Anthem, there are also predatory drug dealers, sweltering heat, multiple bouts of rain, and dudes in tie-dye, playing didgeridoos outside your filthy tent at all hours of the night like it’s their fucking job. Here in New York, our superiority complexes don’t need much reinforcement, but just in case you found yourself dreaming of that Phoenix set on the Which Stage (or is it the more whimsical What Stage?), here are a gang of reasons why you’re better off here than there:

Lady in front of me is only wearing pasties to cover her nips. Some things cannot be unseen. #bonnaroo

— ¯_(ツ)_/¯ (@thesoundoholic) June 11, 2010

FYI, this tweet was sent around noon.

Help break Guinness World Record for most hugs in 24 hrs! Hug @jonnysexmusic today starting at noon at @Bonnaroo post office. #bonnaroo

— AC Entertainment (@AC_Ent) June 11, 2010

A man calling himself Jonny Sex Music will find you and hug you.

Jay-Z warning: Bonnaroo swamp not Louis Vuitton boat-shoe friendly. #ontothenextpuddle

— toddler dunk fail (@Charles_A_Aaron) June 10, 2010

Ace music critic Charles Aaron is very rarely wrong about anything Jay-Z related.

I've decided to forgo underwear for the remainder of my #Bonnaroo experience. #justsaying

— sherilynne (@sherilynne) June 11, 2010

Venereal disease! It’s like Vietnam over there.

Dawn at #Bonnaroo doing Henna Body Art http://tweetphoto.com/26683883

— sherilynne (@sherilynne) June 11, 2010

This lady is the best. Let us help you with a visual here:

"Whiskey. Swallow. Pickle. Swallow." Teaching some kids the art of pickle back shots. COME GET ONE, #bonnaroo folks!

— Rheana Murray (@RheanaMurray) June 11, 2010

Yeah, definitely, let a strange woman named Rheana Murray shove a pickle down your throat.

Don't start without me, @Bonnaroo! Because that would be Bonnarude. #bonnaroo #bonnarude

— Doug Benson Wishes He Was In Canada on 10/17 (@DougBenson) June 11, 2010

Somewhere amongst the teeming Tennessee masses is a man who has just coined the term “Bonnarude.”

No seriously though, enjoy those communal bathrooms. Mushroom fountain, eh?

It’s only a matter of time until “Puff the Magic Dragon” b/w “Bad Romance.”

Coated in mud at Bonnaroo, I said, "Look at me. I'm a Gulf pelican." Everyone laughed. Then I died.

— The Rude Pundit (@rudepundit) June 11, 2010

Enjoy, hippies!