How to Determine if Something Is Metal as Fuck


Words by Paul T. Bradley. Photoillustrations by Jake Swearingen

There are few certainties in this world. Sure, the sun comes up pretty regularly, tax day comes every April and whatnot. But that’s about it. Heck, even the heavy metal community is rudderless when it comes to its own standards. Why, recently at a Lamb of God show we overheard various groups of dudes identifying things as “metal as fuck” that were clearly not “metal as fuck.” Have they no shame?

See also: Lamb of God Discuss Life After Manslaughter Charges, and the OG LoG

Most likely they just haven’t been educated. Metal as fuck-ness needs a scale by which supreme judgment is facilitated. It’s not something that we can specifically lay out for you–that would not be metal as fuck. But check out our guide below for some pointers.

Swans’ Most Terrifying Songs
On Odd Future, Rape and Murder, And Why We Sometimes Like the Things That Repel Us
How Not To Write About Female Musicians: A Handy Guide