Don’t expect any blonde bombshells or Southern belles at this beauty pageant. Coney Island has enlisted a much furrier bunch for its Sweetheart Pet Pageant, in which the city’s most glamorous pets and their overzealous owners will battle for the tiny—but adorable—Sweetheart crown. Bodacious burlesque star Sequinette and Bambi the Mermaid will host the two-part competition. First comes the “Open-Talent Display,” showcasing each pet doing what it does best, whether it’s strutting down the catwalk in its Sunday’s finest or jumping through a ring of fire while playing the flute. A panel of highly qualified celebrity judges will also oversee the “Best Beachwear” portion; posture, grace, and cleanliness will all be taken into consideration. The contestants include a Chinese crested powderpuff, a pink toy poodle, a turtle, and an eagle (WTF?). The grand prize is a “custom couture pet ensemble,” complete with stilettos and pasties. Kidding . . . sort of. There will also be a raffle benefiting the BARC animal shelter and an award for cutest audience pet. Meowwwwwww.

Sat., Aug. 14, 11 a.m., 2010