Overworked Harvard Scientists Create Overworker-Friendly Inhalable Caffine

And you thought we’d be dry of breakthroughs in breathable drugs for a while, now. Think again.

If you’re sentimental for the days when a huff would get you high, but you’re too chic for glue or consider paint passe, have a hard time procuring laughing gas, and think carrying around a satchel of balloons is both gauche and/or borderline pedophilic, has Harvard got the solution for you. Yes: inhalable caffeine.

Productivity-friendly. Diet-friendly. Tweaker-friendly. People walking around simply inhaling caffeine instead of having to patronize their neighborhood Starbucks could be the future, now that Harvard has essentially given you no excuse not to be as on your shit as they are.

Harvard biomedical engineering professor, David A. Edwards, has developed a product that may make getting caffeine into your system a little more efficient — if not also more creepy. Called Le Whif Coffee, Edwards’ java jolt comes in a biodegradable container about the same size as a tube of lipstick, and is ingested by inhalation instead of drinking.

If this becomes a thing, imagine what life will become. Imagine what your day-to-day will become: People sucking air out of small tubes and unleashing the “crazy eyes” on you if you dare look at ’em sideways. Everyone will be doing it, and if you don’t step it up, a bunch of caffeine-huffing addicts will trample you on their way to the top, while you convalesce in a sober life lacking the distinct twitches and tics everyone else has now accessorized with. The future, it’s awesome. Breathe it in.

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