Neighborhoods Recorded History
by Edmund Lee
At last, the world hears exactly what a presidential fellator sounds like, and just a day after the announcement of a book deal and an agreement to an interview with Barbara Walters. More scandal, anyone?
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Age: 17 Resides:: Village Occupation: Student Will you buy Monica’s book or watch her on TV? No. What should she do to get her life back together?She really needs to step out of the spotlight. She’s making a mistake by going on TV. What’s the worst mistake youever made? I fooled around with a friend of mine. We thought it would be okay, but now we’re no longer friends. Actually, he hates me now.
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Sonia Gupta
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Age: 35 Resides:: Village Occupation: Works in development Will you buy Monica’s book or watch her on TV? What should she do to get her life back together? The book is one way. It depends on how she does it though, her approach. I don’t think she’s been making all her own decisions. What’s the worst mistake you ever made? I shouldn’t have gone into the military. I was a musician and going into the military wasn’t the best thing. I could’ve been successful by now.
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Davey Bell
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Age: 23 Resides:: Park Slope, Brooklyn Occupation: Bar back Will you buy Monica’s book or watch her on TV? No. Because of this, I believe the U.S. embassy in Africa was bombed. They were like, hey, let’s strike, they’re distracted and weak now. What should she do to get her life back together? Go into seclusion for a while. Something else will happen—next one will be the queen. Like she had Diana assassinated because she was pregnant and didn’t want Charles to be embarrassed. What’s the worst mistake you ever made?I asked two girls out at the same time. But they live in the same building. And later I found out they were cousins. I didn’t mean anything by it, like one was just a backup in case the other couldn’t make it. They found out. I apologized and sent them both flowers, but I never saw either of them again.
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Robert Smith
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Age: 28 Resides:: Woodside, Queens Occupation: Waiter Will you buy Monica’s book or watch her on TV? Yes. I’d just like to know what she’s going to say. I think she’s a victim, really. What should she do to get her life back together? I don’t know. But she’ll get back to a normal life some way What’s the worst mistake you ever made? Getting divorced, I guess. I wish I was still with my wife. Most important thing is to be honest. Don’t cheat on anyone.
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Carlos Abdalla
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Age: 18 Resides:: East Side Occupation: Student Will you buy Monica’s book or watch her on TV? No. We all already know what’s going on. The American people are tired of this. What should she do to get her life back together? She should give her true reasons for doing what she did. And apologize. And Clinton should do the same. What’s the worst mistake you ever made? Cheating on my girlfriend. She found out, eventually. Like this Clinton thing, people always find out.
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Miguel Varzielas
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Age: 35 Resides:: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Occupation: Poet Will you buy Monica’s book or watch her on TV? No. And I don’t buy the whole victim role. I heard the tapes, she’s got that bubble-headed blond thing. She sounds like an opportunist. What should she do to get her life back together? I don’t think she can claim a regular life for quite some time. Most of the public believes she’s out to get all she can get. What’s the worst mistake you ever made? I moved to L.A. Enough said.
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Martell Randolph
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Age: 25 Resides::Stamford, Connecticut Will you buy Monica’s book or watch her on TV? Absolutely not. I can’t stand hearing about it anymore. What should she do to get her life back together? Do what the rest of us do every day—get up and go to work. What’s the worst mistake you ever made? Not listening in a relationship. I just never listened.
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Brian Kuskowski