How to Speak Republican

Leaked document reveals the secrets of the GOP's coded language

Jews: The guys who killed Christ. Occasionally have the audacity to apply for membership to your country club, despite genetic deficiencies and an inadequate short game.

Job creators: People who pay half the tax rate you do because God likes them way better. Deserving of further deductions because the gardener is asking for $4.25 an hour and Sundays off.

Lamestream media: All media with the exception of Fox News, The Wall Street Journal, and the non-gay parts of pornhub.com. Note: Gay parts can be mildly educational if your wife is at Bible study and the door is locked.

Liberal agenda: Set of effete East Coast values written by Sean Penn and the Dixie Chicks to destroy the American family by getting our children to suck at math and listen to John Mayer

Liberal elite: Immoral foe nearly crushed to extinction by the superiority of the conservative agenda. Membership believed to consist of three elderly men recently expelled from the Newport Yacht Club for publicly expressing fond memories of Roosevelt.

Mormons: Creepy sex-cult perverts from Utah who have arranged marriages with 13-year-old girls named Edna. Still better than Negroes but scarier than Jews.

Muslims: Swarthy apostates who hate freedom. Believe that blowing up grandmas and blond children will be rewarded with 72 virgins in a jacuzzi suite at the Heaven Best Western. Covert cells mostly operating in Iran and the U.S. State Department.

Obamacare: Theory that all Americans deserve health coverage when they could just as easily rub some dirt on it

Radical feminists: Secret cabal of WNBA season-ticket holders seeking to usurp the natural role of men as the boss of everything. Need to shut up and vacuum the living room.

Science: Discredited field of study practiced by sissies at northern liberal arts schools that suck at football

Second Amendment: The God-given right to carry an assault rifle to Sunday brunch at Applebee's just in case there's a kid wearing a hoodie

Tea Party: People who hate socialism and government entitlements but live off of Social Security and Medicare because stuff like that doesn't really count

Traditional marriage: A union between a man and woman who argue over a period of three to seven years, then separate and file unflattering paperwork about each other. Repeat cycle as necessary.

Values voters: People willing to be economically sodomized as long as we keep bagging on the homos and the wetbacks

« Previous Page
 |
 
1
 
2
 
All
 
My Voice Nation Help
10 comments
bananeyvr
bananeyvr

I see Romney has pimped out his wife with MS to get sympathy votes. How cheap can you get?

bananeyvr
bananeyvr

BTW-if Obama gets re elected, please take over Canada. We have Bush Lite running the show up here.

bananeyvr
bananeyvr

Hi from an intermmitant visitor from the "socialist" , government paid abortions, "free" health care(except dental),gay marrriage from Atlantic to Pacific, owner of a public broadcaster that constantantly slams the government(CBC), monarchist land mass to the north. I unfortunately can't block Fox News from my cable up in Canada(so I ignore). I am deeply troubled that our neighbour to the south has an abundance of idiots albeit concentrated mostly in areas I don't visit. I bet the GOP would have a fit if they knew that the mayor of  the main city where the offices of our oil rich province, Calgary ,has a muslim mayor(Mayor Nenshi). I do hope you all vote, for it not only affects you in the US, it affects Canada and the rest of the World, Bush was bad enough. I think Romney and gang will be just as bad,

v.caravello
v.caravello

Okay today and for the rest of this week we are going to have to deal with the Republying National Convention . It may be very important to watch this just to see who you shouldn't vote for come election day .. So if you do you are going to have to learn what the hell they are rambling about . This guide will help you with that . . It is something that every true American should read .. Try to enjoy . After all it only has to happen every Four years . 

Processed
Processed

This was funny until I realized that there are actually citizens that sincerely believe this ignorant illogical crap is "reality". x_x

What an embarrassing time to be an American citizen...

rmccune999
rmccune999

This election the American people are going to have to make an important decision that will drastically affect their lives. Are you going to want to vote for Romney and the Republicans who will bring back voodoonomics. Do you want Romney and the Republicans to permanently extend the Bush tax cuts to the rich and give other tax cuts to the rich? Or do you want to do as President Obama wants to do which is to lower the deficit by letting the Bush tax cuts for the rich expire. For those that say the rich need tax breaks to create jobs I like to ask you to prove that tax cuts to the rich creates jobs. It is consumers that create jobs by buying things. The rich have already bought the things that create jobs or already have enough money to buy those things. The rich already have homes, furniture, appliances, household products, clothes, cars and other things that make up the jobs we have. You create jobs by making it possible for more people to be able to buy the things they don’t have but are too poor after paying bills to buy. When people buy things then the rich then get richer because people are buying the things that the rich sell or have investments in. That is how a good economy works. The Depression that the Republicans caused in 2007-2009 caused 9 million people to lose their jobs. That is a lot of people. President Obama has gotten America out of that Depression and is getting America out of this Republican caused Recession. There are two kinds of jobs in America. There is the public sector jobs and the private sector jobs. When President Obama and the Democrats controlled Congress they were creating public sector jobs. When the Republicans took control of the House of Representatives they shut down the public sector jobs. Then in the private sector most companies in America are run by the rich. Most of the rich are Republicans. Most of the large companies in America are now making money yet the Republicans who run those companies won’t help improve our economy by hiring new workers. The Republicans in the private sector and the public sector are purposely destroying America’s economy because they know that the only way they can win the next election is if the economy is bad and then they want to brainwash you into believing that Romney and the Republicans can make it better. But Romney and the Republicans only plan is to extend the tax cuts for the rich and cut other taxes for the rich, unnecessarily increase the military budget to enrich themselves and their buddies, cut or gut as many regulations and environmental laws as possible which will allow the rich to use Wall Street and the banks to rip us off more &ruin our environment more. Then Romney &the Republicans want to make abortions illegal & end Planned Parenthood. Do you women and men want to have to let every women who becomes impregnated to be forced to have the child? Do you want women to go back to the days of backroom abortions?. These are the choices you voters must make.

vito33
vito33

President of the United States: A Republican with no intelligence, no ideas, no spine and no personality, but with enough working digits to sign whatever medieval legislation they push through if they can take both houses.

moshe
moshe

 @Processed These Christian women talk the virtures of Christianity but when you get them wet and Fuck them in the ass the goyim are shown to be hypocrits.

 
New York Concert Tickets
Loading...