Pickup Shtick


So you want sex. Guess what? Pickup lines totally work! Be cool with these and you’ll get it wet. Especially if the pickupee is wasted.

1. “Didn’t I see you in Soldier of Fortune?”

2. “You look cute tonight.” (This one only works if you’re super-hot yourself.)

3. “Did I tell you I’m directing a SAG independent film?”

4. “What? What? I can’t hear you! Take off your shirt!”

5. “Be different. Just say yes.”

6. “Big money! Big money! No Whammies!”

7. “Hey wanna come to my pad and see my etchings? And by ‘etchings’ I mean a notarized, negative HIV test dated yesterday.”

8. “Your boyfriend won’t mind. I slept with him already.”

9. “Normally I’m 100 percent top, but you really make me want to explore the other side.”

10. “Nice shoes. Let’s fuck.”

BONUS FOR NERDOS WHO NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE: “MapQuest says you can be here in less than 15 minutes.”