Seriously, type “Snoop Dogg” into Google Images and see what comes up
Riff Raff Exclusive: Upcoming Rapper Food Products
Recently Snoop Dogg announced the Snooperbowl, inspiring a Riff Raff-penned history of the link between rapping and sports. Now the Dogg is back with a brand new hot dog line–foot-long weiners called “Snoop Doggs.”
Snoop takes advantage of everything,” his manager said. “This rap money isn’t long. Just ask MC Hammer.”
Rappers have a history of food tie-ins, most notably the Rap Snacks brand of potato chips. Each style of chip coincides with each sponsoring rapper’s personality. For instance, Youngbloodz are Southern Crunk Barbeque, Master P is Platinum Bar-B-Que, and Lil Romeo is Bar-B-Que with Honey.
Now other rappers are looking to get in the kitchen, and over the last few months several of them have tried to develop their own food products, with varying success. Here are a few:
Young Jeezsteak: Your favorite trapper’s favorite trapper now wants a piece of the Philly sandwich game. Reportedly tastier than a regular cheesesteak, for now the sandwich has been postponed until the rapper’s lawyers can secure a patent for the sandwich’s key ingredient, Jeez-Whiz.
Notorious B.L.T.: Sandwich designers Rob Drubbin and Tim Hobey decided they wanted to honor the late Brooklyn rapper, but struggled as to how, exactly, a B.L.T. could be notorious. Should it be spicy? Should it have a pimp inside? Drubbin and Hobey decided that the “T” of B.L.T. would stand for “Tricks,” the trick being that the sandwich is made entirely of E. coli.
Peanut Butter Wolf: The Stones Throw don decided to commemorate himself with a special “run” of Peanut Butter Wolves, which are just regular wolves covered in peanut butter and pretty angry in general.
Jam’Ron: Killa Cam‘s response to the Stones Throw threat, Jam’Ron is a grape-flavored jelly that protects you from the threat of peanut butter wolves. When the wolf smells the jelly, it immediately becomes sedate, giving you enough time to kick the wolf in the face and use its fur for a delicious sandwich.
40 Cal Fruit Snacks: The Dipset understudy had planned to make a snack that would net a mere 40 calories per bag–but that meant only one-half a fruit snack per bag. Currently 40 Cal is in negotiations to change his name to 1223 Cal.
Inspectah Sandwich: While not a food item per se, Wu-Tang rapper Inspectah Deck used to tell grocery clerks around Staten Island that his real name was Inspectah Sandwich, and he needed to “inspect” their sandwiches by eating them.
The Food: What a shame it is that 50 Cent has indefinitely delayed the debut of this scrumptious something-or-other as designed by Black Wall Street rapper, the Game.
Masta Grilla: For a while Wu-Tang’s Masta Killa tried to sell his own version of the George Foreman grille, which was basically a regular Foreman grille with the serial numbers scratched out.
Mobb Beef: Until G-Unit, things were going so bad for the once-legendary duo that they had planned to sell ground beef made exclusively from their own flesh.
Snack Bundles: The mixtape star Stack Bundles tried to get in the food game two years ago, and succeeded, but nobody ever bought the food because the factory had accidentally printed the product description “bundle of snacks” as “bundle of snakes.”
Ying Yang Twinkies: Hostess Cakes liked the idea of Ying Yang Twins-branded twinkies at first, but quickly reneged after the Twins demanded the cakes “whisper” sexually transmitted diseases.