Okay, people. There are some scary things going on in the world, things that make us an eensy bit concerned. I mean, hello… Mayan calendar? I Ching? Nostradamus? That Nicolas Cage movie? Nicolas Cage himself?
We at Runnin’ Scared have uncovered 10 reasons you may want to hold off on paying your taxes this year:
1. Earthquakes abound. Haiti, Chile, Mexico, China…Even though the Washington Post attempts to assuage our fears by telling us it’s not that there are more, exactly, it’s just that they’re occurring in more densely populated areas, we can’t help but wonder: Doesn’t that simply mean that earthquakes have gotten smarter?
2. Volcanic ash is spewing out across Europe after an eruption of the Eyjafjallajokull glacier in Iceland, which caused massive flooding that sliced the nation’s main road in half and caused hundreds to flee the area. Also, many already put-upon travelers in the U.K. and U.S. are totally inconvenienced.
The New York Times reports:
Jai Purohit, a manager from Leicester, England, who had planned fly to the United States to join his wife on vacation in Florida, said: “It’s very sad. I bought some nice presents for my wife and was looking forward to spending some time with her. She’s naturally upset, but there’s nothing we can do.”
3. An asteroid came kinda-sorta almost a little bit close (given the space-time continuum) to hitting the Earth. Just imagine if it had been drunk.
4. There are fireballs in Midwest skies.
Just after 10 pm CDT Wednesday evening April 14th, a fireball or very bright meteor was observed streaking across the sky… Several reports of a prolonged sonic boom were received from areas north of Highway 20, along with shaking of homes, trees and various other objects including wind chimes.
5. We repeat: wind chimes. The superhuman steroidy kind. (These are portents, you know.)
7. Off-track betting is very likely dead. Which means all of the people who usually hang out at the OTB will be cast among us. Just as predicted in 1968’s Night of the Living Dead.
8. A 20-foot-tall genetically modified Andy Warhol pinata head is poised to consume Brooklyn and large sections of Queens.
After a heart-warming bowl of Campbell’s Soup, that is.
9. Species are interbreeding!
Staff at Slimbridge Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust, in Gloucestershire, are stunned by the bizarre courtship between the bar-headed goose and the dainty mallard duck, reports the Telegraph.
Is anyone else thinking Rosemary’s Baby?
Not to mention…
10. New York City doormen might really strike.
Residents could end up doing everything from arranging to get packages from delivery workers reluctant to cross picket lines to taking out their neighbors’ trash. Many will have to show ID to get into their own buildings, reports amNewYork.
Friends, have your go-bags at the ready.