Whoever Just Faked The Jelly Pool Parties Lineup Could’ve Done A Way Better Job


So a couple hours ago Brooklyn Vegan seemed to post this year’s Jelly Pool Party schedule, easily the most vital dance card for Brooklyn-is-the-center-of-the-universe types. But apparently it was some clown with access to the JPP braintrust’s official Twitter account last year. BV posts a photo of a sad cat, a nation exhales, game over. Coulda happened to anybody. I’m more concerned with the blown comedy potential of the list itself.

Here’s what they came up with:

7/11 – Les Savy Fav, Frankie Rose & The Outs, Dinosaur Feathers
7/18 – Murder City Devils, Obits, Jeff The Brotherhood
7/25 – Cap’n Jazz, No Age, Lightning Bolt
8/1 – Spoon, Blonde Redhead, Xeno & Oaklander
8/8 – Gang Gang Dance, Man Man, The Beets
8/15 – Titus Andronics, Crystal Stilts, Drink Up Buttercup
8/22 – Iggy & The Stooges, The Thermals, The Entrance Band

I realize that part of the game here is to make the schedule seem plausible, and that’s certainly true here (to the point where this very plausibly is the schedule, with just a couple adjustments yet to be made), but if you’re gonna rile everybody up for an hour or whatever on an idle Thursday, might as well just go all-out with it. Let me take a shot at this:

7/11 – Guns N’ Roses, Hole, Iron Maiden, Anvil (just for Camille)
7/18 – Altered Zones showcase (DJ sets by Ryan Schreiber and Christopher R. Weingarten)
7/25 – Guided by Voices (classic Do the Collapse lineup!)
8/1 – Worst Name Ever Battle of the Bands, starring Wakey!Wakey!, We Are Country Mice, Me Talk Pretty, Dangeroo, Barfdog & Paper Towels, My Teenage Stride, And Phil and the Osophers
8/8 – The-Dream, Janelle Monáe, MNDR, Grandaddy, free ice cream (for me)
8/15 – Oh, fuck it: Another Pavement show!
8/22 – Drake, Eminem, Kesha, MIA, Lebron James, G8 protests, free ice cream

You wouldn’t think but the GBV show would easily be the most crowded. That record is way underrated.