Kevin Carpet makes himself a human rug for people to trod all over at parties on a regular basis.
He loves being walked on!
I’ve known Kevin since the ’80s, when he was just a young, up-and-coming carpet sample. But now he’s practically wall to wall!
I just contacted him to see how he’s been shagging lately, and here’s how it played out.
Me: Hi, Kevin. Where do you work these days and how do people book you?
Kevin Carpet: Lately I have been doing a lot of raves. Also hipster events. And I still sometimes do gothic events. People usually find me on Facebook under Kevin Carpet.
Me: Why do you love being a human carpet so much, you kook?
Kevin Carpet: I love doing this. At the events I’m doing now, I really feel like a true floor/carpet since I got a government grant for performance art. I had to be treated like — and feel like — a real object, mine being a carpet.
At these events, I lay in busy areas by doorways or by the bar and people, so naturally step on me and walk on me to get by and order drinks.
Plus with these crowds, the people shout to me as the walk on. “Hey, Carpet guy,” “Love ya, Kevin,” and things like that.
It’s a pleasure for me and everyone else, and more fun for everyone when I’m here for their amusement and fun.
Me: Why are you sometimes enclosed in a carpet and sometimes not?
Kevin Carpet: If I’m at a special private event, then sometimes I don’t use a carpet. But at the bigger events I need a carpet for safety — not really for me but for the crowd. People could trip or step wrong on my leg and fall.
In the old gothic events I had no carpet and I just layed by the bar wearing all black and goggles and gloves. But I later found out that most people only stayed on for a short time due to the wobbly tummy and body. So after that I started using carpets.
Me: Well, thanks for letting us use you!