Scientists Hate Women, and, Yes, We Have Proof

Why, scientists, why? Why must you torture us with these punishing, misogynistic studies that only prove scientists to be sick, sick fucks?

Study in point: Steven Most and Jean-Philippe Laurenceau, professors of psychology at the University of Delaware, decided to test whether women really were “blinded by jealousy,” the Telegraph reports.

Let’s pause for a moment and imagine the scenario in which this study is conceived. I see our man Stevo in a bar, consoling his pal Jean-Philippe, who’s just been dumped by his longtime girlfriend who was always adamantly anti-threesome. “Why are women possessed by this relationship-dooming affliction, jealousy?” they wonder after their second round. Because, it really could have worked otherwise, you know.

By the time they stumble from the bar, arms around one another, chanting “Sweet Caroline,” they’ve decided to prove to the world that not only are women jealous, they are actually physically undermined — damaged to the level of blindness! — by their jealousy. And she who is blind cannot see love, or the third person in your bed. Also, she who is blind should be tortured through a series of scientific experiments.

In the realization of their diabolical quest, Most and Laurenceau “sat 25 young couples down next to each other at adjacent computer screens, with the men asked to rate how attractive pictures of landscapes were to them.” [yawn]

The women meanwhile, were asked to spot photographs of landscapes amid rapid streams of images, which also included the occasional gruesome or graphic picture.

Halfway through the experiment the tables were turned — scientifically, of course. The women were informed that their dudes were now looking at pictures of other women! And not only that, they were scoring them for hotness.

OH SHIT.

Keep looking for those landscapes and gruesome pics, sweetie.

At the end of the experiment the scientists asked the ladies how it felt to know their boyfriends were looking at sexy pictures while they sat, bored out of their minds, watching for landscapes (and not even very good landscapes at that) to pass by.

Well, frankly, it made them pissed.

Women who admitted to being most jealous were the ones who most failed to spot the landscape images. They fail to spot things when distracted by the possibility that their boyfriend or husband finds another woman attractive.

Slam dunk, high-fives all around: Women suffer from “emotion-induced blindness.”

The researchers have yet to determine whether men react in a similar fashion, nor to consider the possibility that the women were not looking for snoozeville landscapes because they were sneaking peeks at whatever their boyfriends were looking at right next to them.

Also scientifically proven: Men who drive fancy cars have small penises, women will not go blind looking at photos of Robert Pattinson, and women hate scientists. Also: Threesomes are overrated.