Helping the President Crank the Media Handle


Rusty Propeller Award for Clumsiest Attempt at Spin:

“We actually misnamed the war on terror,” President George Bush reportedly told journalists attending last week’s Unity Convention. “It ought to be the struggle against ideological extremists who do not believe in free societies who happen to use terror as a weapon to try to shake the conscience of the free world.”

Smooth, Georgie boy. Real Smooth. But let’s not stop there.

Welfare Reform shall henceforth be known as the Governmental Effort to Get Your Broke Ass Off Our Dollar So We Can Build Missile Defense Against Enemies Who Don’t Exist, but Might Some Day Really Soon—Really, Really Soon.

No Child Left Behind shall be rechristened Our Pathetic Attempt to Make You Believe We Care About Your Children Even Though Our Kids Are in Private School and Everyone Knows That Only Suckers Send Their Children to Public Schools Whose Budgets We Plan to Bleed Dry With Vouchers for—You Guessed It—Private Schools.

Faith-Based Initiatives shall be called Another Failed Effort to Get Your Broke Ass Off Our Dollar, Which We’d Rather Be Using for Missile Defense Against Al Qaeda . . . Oh, Right . . .