Give the man credit for persistence: Eric Schaeffer hasn’t made a watchable movie yet, but he presses on, in the face of overwhelming criticism, widening his canvas and providing his boundless ego with even more room to run amok. In the crass, endless Mind the Gap, Schaeffer dares to ape Magnolia, telling five barely connected stories with all the grace of a juggler tossing open bottles of Drano. He may reel in audiences nostalgic for the late Alan King, but King—playing a wheezy curmudgeon shuffling to Spuyten Duyvil to fulfill an old promise—couldn’t possibly be more demeaned.