Says the FCC, not all things “sexual and excretory” are appropriate fare for national radio airwaves. Take the “blumpkin.” In 2001, Howard Stern’s account of this dirty proverb cost the shock jock $27,500 in federal fines. Read on for a vocabulary lesson. —Nick Sylvester
FEDERAL COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION
Marlene H. Dortch Secretary
Radio Station: WKRK-FM, Detroit, MI
Date/Time of Broadcast: July 26, 2001, 6:30 a.m. to 7:30 a.m.
Material Broadcast: The Howard Stern Show
HS: Howard Stern
RQ: Robin Quivers
MV: Male Cast Member
HS: I said to Mark Wahlberg yesterday, had he ever gotten a blumpkin from a girl and everyone around here is acting like they don’t know what it is.
RQ: You’re the only nutcase who does.
MV: I said “blumpkin” on the “Norm Show” and the network censor, we told him we just made the word up. He goes, “that’s definitely not a real word right?” We go, no,no,no. And I said it, I yelled out at a hooker in a cab.
HS: What do you say to her, “how about a blumpkin?”
MV: I go “honey, how much for a blumpkin?”
MV: And uh the network censor never heard of it. And he goes if you just made it up it’s fine but if it’s a real thing we can’t have it. So it’s aired, it’s been on ABC, it’s like the dirtiest thing ever on television.
HS: Yeah, but nobody knows what it is. A blumpkin… I can explain it cleanly.
RQ: There’s nothing clean about a blumpkin.
HS: Well, a blumpkin is receiving oral sex while you’re sitting on a toilet bowl if you are a man. You’re sitting on a toilet bowl and uh, while you’re evacuating you receive your oral.
HS: And uh, then, what did I say yesterday too you didn’t understand? Balloon knot?
RQ: Yes, I don’t know what that is. Somebody said to me “is that the funniest thing ever?” and I was like “what is that?”
HS: A balloon knot…
RQ: I didn’t want to show my ignorance, I laughed too.
HS: A balloon knot… I’m gonna post these on a web site…
RQ: Yeah, we need a dictionary for this show.
HS: A balloon knot is when you bend over and I can see up right up your old…
RQ: Up the wazoo?
HS: Up the wazoo and uh, you know that’s a balloon knot that you see. That’s called a “balloon knot.”
RQ: Really, I did not know that.
HS: Think about it, it looks like a balloon knot.
RQ: I don’t know. Oh… you know what…
HS: Tie up a balloon.
RQ: I’m just thinking of a balloon knot…
MV: It all makes sense, Robin, come on.
HS: And uh, what else did I say? “Nasty Sanchez,” you didn’t know what that was.
RQ: Oh, I don’t even want to know half the time what these things are…
HS: That I’d have to post on the internet.
RQ: ‘Cause there’ve been a number of terms used lately. Would you do… ’cause KC’s always blurtin’ them out.
HS: “Strawberry shortcake”
RQ: “Strawberry shortcake” I’ve never heard of. “Dirty Sanchez”
HS: “Nasty Sanchez.”
RQ: What is the others KC?
MV: I heard a new one the other day. It was the “David Copperfield.”
HS/RQ: That’s right.
MV: Okay, do you want to explain it, since I… When you’re goin’ like a dog…
MV: …and you’re about to finish and instead you don’t finish, you spit on her and then you turn around and when she turns her face around then you go… So it’s kind of like an illusion…
MV: to David Copperfield.
RQ: Sleight of hand.
MV: Classic misdirection.
HS: You trick her. There’s a million of them, but uh, I’ll post them on the web.
RQ: Yes, because people need to know. These aren’t in the regular dictionary.
See the entire FCC document.