NY Mirror


I’m on Broadway! Well, OFF Broadway. But at least it’s at the legendary Studio 54. Well, UPSTAIRS at the legendary Studio 54. And it’s not really me, it’s an actor playing me. But still, I’m immortalized, kind of, in a topical revue called Newsical by satirical songwriter/comic Rick Crom. Along with director Donna Drake, he sends a quartet of performers through a batch of kooky tunes about Hooters airlines, Brad Pitt’s availability, and the sexual thrill old ladies get from being wanded down at airports.

And now, Newsical has a “Michael Musto song” and I’d be shocked about it, except I cooperated with them on the whole thing. The result? At the performance I saw, a performer named Jamison Stern emerged as moi in picture-perfect loud shirt and dark-framed glasses and sang about being prettier and wittier than some of the female columnists. (Lies!) Crooning on, he claimed to have been hurt in the past and therefore determined to colorfully wreck lives with his prose. (Getting warmer.) And then he actually sang from my current column, though the items (racy tidbits about RuPaul, John Travolta, and the Olsen twins) were reconstructed into neatly rhyming lyrics by Crom, who even gave them punchlines.

Jamison got my mannerisms down, nabbing both the hideous shyness and the rampant megalomania. In fact, he’s so good as me that, as I told, I’d love him to write the column from now on! Will the song stay in the show? It had damned well better—and then the whole thing can become The Michael Musto Revue and then it’ll move to Broadway and then it’ll be a movie and I’ll be played by Josh Hartnett. All right, I’ll settle for Hilary Swank.

Meanwhile, can I blow myself one more time and say that at Quo the other night, Miami-based artist Romero Britto unveiled portraits of me and celeb shutterbug Patrick McMullan before a crowd of happy drunks? My Britto portrait has me in a picture-perfect loud shirt and dark glasses and truly gets the hideous shyness and rampant megalomania, etc. etc. (I must be very easy to read, even if my work isn’t.)