Oh, Jesse James. We at the Voice are so over people dressing like Nazis. Here’s a tip, JJ: If Prince Harry apologized for it in 2005, it’s a trend that’s jumped the shark. (Personally, I thought it was over in 1945, but then I’ve never been into the military look … Grey-green? Not my color.) But honestly, going Nazi is so obvious. You’re practically phoning it in!
So next time do a little thinking outside the box before you turn to the pencil-thin Hitler ‘stache and shitkickers, and the same old posturing and “Heil whatevers.”
Having trouble getting started? Here’s a list of costumes guaranteed to offend large groups of the population without everybody yawning, “been there, seen that.”
1. In a word: blackface.
2. Throw on a feathered headdress and paint some distinctive streaks across the cheeks, then give the house a few “whoop-whoops” — it’s easy-peasey, you’re Indian Native American!
3. Who as a child didn’t engage in hours of fun “making slanty eyes” using their very own nubile fingers? That’s what I’m talking about. Take a cue from Mickey Rooney’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s character “Mr. Yunioshi,” a study in offense if there ever was one.
4. The German fascists get all the street cred! How about going Italian?
5. It can be hard to pull off, but Little People don’t like it when you mock them. Double the whammy by referring to yourself as a “midget.”
6. Remember how that teacher of yours in elementary school taught you not to call people “retards”? Remember?
7. Choose someone who died tragically (Jesus? John F. Kennedy? DJ AM?) and then imitate them in their final death throes.
8. Did somebody say “Darfur”?
9. There aren’t that many people who have the cojones to dress as terrorists these days. Especially not in airport security lines. If you’re afraid, they’ve already won.
10. See: White male plantation owner with a love of delicious fried chicken — aka, the Colonel. Or, George Wallace.
Or, you could just casually elect to forget your pants.