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Have you been made aware of the hedonistic urban drinking renaissance that is Bros Icing Bros? It’s a “game” involving Bros worldwide, you, and The Only Malt Liquor Drink Worse Than Spilled BP Oil Swept Out of The Ocean, Smirnoff Ice. And — gird your loins, Bros — it may very well be coming to an end. UPDATED!
The internet’s Ground Zero of Bros Icing Bros — Bros Icing Bros Dot Com — was once a vast, beautiful oral history of Bros “Icing” Other Bros with Smirnoff Ice. There were shirts for sale. There were categories. There were ratings, and a “submit” button, in order to submit the icings you and your bro-brethren had partaken in together. There was the center of it all. And now, it appears that center has ripped apart, like a black hole in the time-space continuum of Stupid Drinking Games. Because all that’s there now is this:
That’s it. Nothing else. No reasoning, no explanation, just a simple retrospective and assessment from the place we’ve now come to, which very well may be The End. In the pantheon of Ambiguous American Endings — the New Testament, The Awakening, The Sopranos, 2001: A Space Odyssey, every Saw movie ever made — this is pretty high up there, leaving an entire population of the world (American Bros) high, dry, and without guidance. But why? Well, there’re three plausible theories:
1. The Backlash Became Too Much. Heavy lies the head with the Icing Crown on it, or as Spider Man would note: With great power comes great responsibility. And with prominently Bro-read websites like Deadspin noting Bros Icing Bros as, among other things, “The Epitome of Douche,” one can’t help but wonder if the forebearers of Bro-Icing felt it necessary to protect their culture from critical intrusion and the destruction of its innocence. This would be noble, but is unlikely, as the Icing or Iced Bro simply doesn’t embarrass so easily. After all, they are drinking Smirnoff Ice.
2. The Legal Hammer Was Finally Dropped on Them. When we spoke with Smirnoff’s holding company Diageo about whether or not they’d be taking legal action of any kind against Bros Icing Bros, they were cagey at best. However, they did note the following:
So are you guys gonna sue the people who are using Smirnoff’s name and likeness for their Bros Icing Bros “Bro Attire”?
We always look at everything that’s out there and we’ll take whatever actions we consider necessary or appropriate to defend our intellectual property rights. There’s no definitive stance on this right now.
Operative Term: Right now. That was before the New York Times, the New York Post, and so many other press outlets covered this thing. It was before the law starting persecuting Bros for Getting Iced, and before our American Heroes fell pray to Icing Attempts. Maybe the keepers of The Ice felt it was time to pull the plug.
3. It Was Time. Nothing gold can stay, Pony Boy, and is it better to go out at the top, or fade away? The Chamber of Brommerce made their decision if they indeed voluntarily hit the switch in order to preserve the sanctity and innocence involving in Icing Bros, lest it get corrupted by some violently life-draining outside source.
The tributes have already started to opour (or CHUG) in. The Awl mourned: “We’ll maybe never know why you appeared, and why you left.” Deadspin thinks it “offed itself,” and makes a half-hearted, obviously guilt-ridden attempt to credit themselves with this development. A blog called Synthesis surmises that “Smirnoff was getting some shit for promoting underage drinking, drunk driving and binge drinking by the damn liberal media, but who the fuck am I to justify the site’s reason for nixing the whole thing? I just Internet for a living.“Who, sir, indeed. When is the Liberal Media not to blame?
We’ve sent an email into The Icing Broyalty to find out what happened. If we do, we’ll let you know as soon as we do. Until then, Bros of America, and Bros of The World: Stay strong, stay Bro, and Stay Cold. Ice Cold. And if this is indeed the end, then there’s only one thing left to do, here:
No, but seriously, I’m kind of sad about this. Kind of. Not really.
UPDATE: Holy shit. According to the Bros at Bro Bible Dot Com, you’re, I mean, oh my god, this is insane:
The BrosIcingBros guys approached us a couple days ago, inquiring if we were interested in purchasing their site. The move made sense — they were getting a ton of traffic and media attention over the past couple weeks, and they sported 20,000 Facebook fans. Their asking price, however, didn’t make any sense. They wanted a minimum of five figures (five figures!), and gave us and other likeminded sites until “Friday” to make our best bid. Considering we were thinking of offering about five cases of grape, pineapple, and passion fruit Ices for the site, we weren’t too chagrined to see that someone snatched it up with apparently an offer they couldn’t refuse. We’re guessing the site will relaunch or redirect within the next day or two, and there may or may not be plenty of more Icing photos to post (they get about 100 submissions a day and only post five or six).
Bros Icing Bros went from the province of fratty assholes and the assholes who cynically patronize them by playing along (but really by just finding another reason to drink before 3PM) into a startup. BROS ICING BROS SOLD OUT. More as we get it! Also: IF THESE GUYS CAN DO IT THERE IS HOPE FOR ALL OF US YET! NOT EVEN FUCKING KIDDING!