Omarosa, we’ve missed you. Sort of. Your brand of crazy is really quite fun to watch, and that’s why we’re rather excited about your upcoming presence in Donald Trump’s new reality dating series, Donald J. Trump Presents the Ultimate Merger…which starts tonight. I mean, how could we not be, with a title like that?
(Also, props, girl, on dropping that mess of a hyphenated last name. You are just like Madonna! Or Cher. Or…anyway.)
Ladies, take note, this show is going to be the anti-Millionaire Matchmaker, and chock full of in-your-face straight-from-the-Donald dating tips. For instance, Trump believes that women should not bother with all that silly-willy coy stuff and instead “tell guys what you want and how you want it.” Because love, like everything else in life, is serious business. Demand it, and it is yours! (Is this how Melania won him over?)
Also, get a prenup, like, now. Even if you’re not dating anyone. God, where was the Donald during our last relationship?
In the show, we’ll have the pleasure of watching Omarosa test out an array of inappropriately careered suitors, including a former NFL linebacker and a Christian rapper fellow, to find her Prince Charming. Sorta like the cringe-worthy Bachelorette, but with more cringe — “I’m not passing out roses here,” said Omarosa. “It’s going to be like watching sharks mate.”
Well, we’ll be watching, because what else would we be doing with our Thursday night? And, yes, we’ll report back when we employ newly learned tactics in real-life situations, and they either surprise us entirely or fail us miserably. Such is life.