Fox News decided to publish an editorial on “hipsters” or what they think they know “hipsters” are, entitled, “The Trouble With Hipsters,” written by a Hopefully you’ve landed here and will not read the actual article. That said, given that Fox News’s broad outlook still sees President Obama as a Terrorist Bin Saddam at least 6.8 days out of the week, you probably know this will be entertaining, or at the very least, terrortaining. Here’s the argument:
Hipsters Defined by Fox News: “Fun, little, arrogant people who let the ideal of “anti-consumerism,” combined with a hatred for all things normal, dictate their every action.” Actually, go shop at American Apparel, Urban Outfitters, InSound, J. Crew, Anthropologie, or any other major “hot” retailer right now, and you will find what some people would describe as a “hipster.” Furthermore, many “hipsters” — or as some would call them, “early adopters” — have recently started to choose to spend their money on local, small businesses, which are run by Average Americans, often, Middle-to-Upper-Middle Class Americans, who Fox News thinks they’re talking to most of the time.
Why Hipsters Make Me Feel Yucky, by Fox News: “There’s one thing that hipsters constantly want you to know: that they are better than you. That, and also, those frames that you’re wearing are so mainstream.” I think, if I’m not mistaken, that the idea of being “hip” is to not care what other people think of you, or care what other people think, period. Yet, this is a common sentiment of “hipster” “hatred”, which is often just another example of a common characteristic of hatred, in general: the projection of insecurities, generally motivated by a personal concern for what everyone else thinks, not just about the “hater”, but about the world at-large.
Why Hipsters Are Bad For America, by Fox News: “Of course, it goes without saying that a leftist world view is a staple in the hipster’s theological wardrobe. ” What about Fox News’ own “hipster” reporter with the “frames” that he ‘wants you to know’ are “so mainstream,” Griff Jenkins?
Also, his name is “Griff.” That can’t be on his birth certificate.
Why Hipsters Will Destroy The World, by Fox News: “If not for this subliminal indoctrination, people like Noam Chomsky would have few readers, and terrorists would have no young American sympathizers to call their own. You see the hipster, often blessed with the luxury of never having had to earn a living in the real world (no, college is not the real world) is permanently perched in the peanut gallery, free to criticize other more productive Americans.” So, in other words, they have been hypnotized by old people who they don’t think they’re better than? Also, obviously Fox News doesn’t read the New York Times or Salon, but hipsters are both on Food Stamps and Dumpster Diving.
What Hipsters Sound Like, by Fox News: “I’ll never be a corporate suit or sell-out!”…”America is an Evil Empire that rapes the earth of its resources, and robs from impoverished countries!”…”Islamic terrorists wouldn’t want to kill us if we just left them alone and stopped being so arrogant….We don’t own the world!” Okay, well, isn’t that someone’s choice and/or subjective definition? Isn’t the Rage Against The Machine/Hipster crossover incredibly limited? Doesn’t at least shades of that third statement ring of truth to anybody who knows the slightest bit about geopolitics? And isn’t that fourth statement absolutely true, both categorically and technically? We are, after all, a decade away from being bankrupted by our loans to China, who owns if not the world, at least our American, Non-Hipster asses. Also, some hipsters are absolutely crazy about industrialism. Do you not know about HIPSTER SHRUGGED?
Why Fox News Truly Doesn’t Understand Hipsters, by Fox News: “These are all common beliefs of hipsters that can be overheard on a Sunday stroll through NYC’s East Village. — Just be sure to avoid the tainted syringes. — If you were to ask the modern hipster, he… I mean she… Sorry, IT is likely under the impression that Usama Bin Laden is wearing skinny jeans in his cave, currently listening to Animal Collective as he throws back cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Certainly Al Qaeda shares a common bond with the trust-fund jackass, bobbing his head at the Vampire Weekend concert.” First of all, it’s now pretty expensive to live in the East Village, “hipsters” are primarily housed in Brooklyn, it’s widely believed and/or understood. Even if that weren’t the case, the East Village hasn’t been junkie-friendly for at least six or seven years: an Upper West Side Starbucks Bathroom sees more junkies in a day than St. Marks does. That said, you were close with “Pabst” and “Animal Collective” and “Vampire Weekend” by at least three to five years (a reference to “chillwave” or “Four Loko” would’ve taken you far, here).
There’s more, but you don’t want to read it.
Yet, the one really striking thing to note about something like this is the way it sounds well, if….Watch:
Arrogant people who let the ideal of “anti-________,” combined with a hatred for all things normal, dictate their every action. There’s one thing that ______s constantly want you to know: that they are better than you. Of course, it goes without saying that a ______ world view is a staple in the ______’s theological wardrobe. If not for this subliminal indoctrination, people like ________ would have few readers, and terrorists would have no __________ sympathizers to call their own. You see the _____, often blessed with the luxury of never having had to earn a living in the real world (no, _____ is not the real world) is permanently perched in the ) _______, free to criticize other more _______ Americans.
If you take out the word “hipsters” and the descriptors, and replace it with any ethnic and/or religious group, and the common sentiments against them, you’ll find that hateful rhetoric, no matter who it’s directed at, is all the same, and only has one intention, which is to exercise that hate and instigate it in other people to make the distributor of it feel less alone in his or her hatred. In the first comment on a post from March about media outlets — ourselves included — using the word “hipsters” to exploit traffic, one commenter noted the likeness of hipster hatred to displaced antisemitism. Little did we know how far we’d come six months later.
The Trouble With Hipsters [Fox News]
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on September 1, 2010