As we’re fond of pointing out, rightbloggers are prone to mood swings between triumphalism and persecution mania. Though we’re sure they’ll be on the upswing by the time the 2014 elections roll around — they’re gamers that way — lately they seem to be on a down cycle.
In fact, to hear rightbloggers tell it, they’re currently being ground under the jackboot of liberal fascism. Colleges don’t want conservatives to give commencement addresses, which is fascism. Companies and government bodies make them follow rules, which is fascism. They may not even win literary awards they feel entitled to. Jesus Christ, what is this, Russia?
You probably heard about their biggest liberal-fascist complaint, the resignation of Brendan Eich, the Mozilla CEO who, when it came out that he’d donated to California’s anti-gay-marriage Proposition 8, got pressured out by his board of directors — whom rightbloggers decided were acting on the orders of The Left. (“The hatred and the bigotry and the intolerance here is all on the side of the fascists on the left!” said Rush Limbaugh, etc.) But you may have missed some of the others.
For example, last week New Hampshire father William Baer was arrested for disrupting a school board meeting. He complained about the assignment of Jodi Picoult’s YA novel 19 Minutes in his teen daughter’s class because it had a sex scene in it. As the video shows, after Baer had finished his allotted two minutes, he refused to shut up, so the board called the cops, who took him away.
Some people might think the board overreacted; others may think they did right to keep Baer’s heckler’s veto from stomping everyone else’s right to speak. Rightbloggers, however, thought the board had infringed on an important Constitutional right: The right to take over a public meeting if you feel really strongly about it, and are right-wing. For those few minutes before he was hauled off, he was like a Northeastern, less-racist Cliven Bundy.
Most of the brethren didn’t mention that Baer broke the rules, probably thinking that might just confuse the issue. “DAD HANDCUFFED FOR PROTESTING GRAPHIC-SEX BOOK,” said Jerome R. Corsi at WorldNetDaily. “NH Parent Arrested for Protesting Book That Contains Graphic Sex Scene,” railed Fox News Insider. “‘All Your Children Are Belong To Us’ – Dad Arrested For Questioning New Hampshire School Board About Sexually Explicit Book,” cried The Conservative Tree House.
“Support for William Baer Pours in from Coast to Coast,” alleged the New Hampshire Tea Party Coalition, which gave quotes from a couple of the letters of encouragement, including “I was waiting for one of the parents to shout…Arrest The School Board!” “I will gladly contribute to further protests and legal action against the Gilford school board,” and “Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought this would happen to me*.” (*j/k.)
“The most amazing thing to me is that none of the sheeple in the audience visibly or audibly react [to Baer’s arrest]” complained Terry Firma of Pantheos Patheos. “The chair of the board doesn’t say a word to stop the wanton escalation either. Maybe she was secretly pleased by the turn of events?” (Alternately: Maybe everyone there was pleased by the turn of events, because Baer was an asshole? Questions remain!)
Speaking of school matters, did you know that there’s also a Constitutional right for conservative celebrities to speak at whatever school commencement they like, and not to be criticized for it, lest they withdraw and thereby cause you to be the liberal fascist?
Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was invited to take $35,000 of Rutgers University’s money to give graduating students lessons in life from the perspective of somebody who thought the war in Iraq was a great idea. Some students protested, and Rice, saying she didn’t want to be a bother, bowed out. (She was replaced by former New Jersey Governor Tom Kean, who is a Republican but since he hasn’t run for office since the 1980s is probably now considered a Socialist.)
Even though Rice herself said that “America’s belief in free speech and the exchange of ideas… is not what is at issue here,” many of the brethren asserted that Rice’s exit was liberal fascism because she had a Constitutional right to that platform and that thirty-five grand no matter what.
“Censorship 1, Condoleezza Rice 0,” declared Dick Polman at the Daily Times. “How pitiful that this kind of thing keeps happening in academia, which is supposedly devoted to free speech and the exchange of ideas.” Polman claimed Rice had been “barred from speaking,” despite actual events. (In our favorite part, Polman acknowledged that some people are upset at the bloody mess Rice and her colleagues made in Iraq, but pleaded, “If school officials were to judge every public figure only by his or her worst moments, they would never hire a speaker.” In Den Hague, several heads nodded in recognition.)
Campus Reform had the smoking gun: “Emails: Rutgers professors pushed students to protest Condoleezza Rice as commencement speaker.” Teachers trying to influence students! (They even held “teach-ins” against Rice, Campus Reform informed us. That’s a total violation of free speech!) “College campuses essentially operate on mob rule at this point,” harrumphed Sonny Bunch of the Washington Free Beacon. “This is why we lost the campuses,” bloody-flagged William A. Jacobson of Legal Insurrection. “We let the load mouths and bullies have their way.”
“I visit about a dozen campuses a year, and at nearly every one, it’s common to hear tales about how the social or administrative policing of thought crimes is all the rage,” said National Review‘s Jonah Goldberg, who did not explain why his rightwing ass was even allowed on these campuses if the thought-policing’s so intense there.
Zev Chafets of Fox News was even mad at Rice herself for backing out. “The decision cost Rice a $35,000 fee, but the loss isn’t only monetary,” boo-hooed Chavets. “It was also a loss in a big battle of ideas being fought on American campuses… Rice’s decision wasn’t classy. It was irresponsible.” Chavets then envisioned Rice on the speakers’ platform with Chris Christie “facing the hecklers and affirming the right of New Jersey’s biggest public university to honor a talented and public-spirited scholar-diplomat…” Apparently Rice violated Chavets’ right to live cosplay reenactments of his fantasies.
“…the school sends a disturbing, though not untrue, commencement message: graduates enter a society so contemptuous of free discourse that it exacts a heavy price for its exercise,” blubbered Daniel J. Flynn at the American Spectator, who then compared Rice to a fellow free speech martyr: racist Clippers owner Donald Sterling, whose martyrdom was to be banned from the NBA by liberal fascists masquerading as the owners of the other 29 NBA teams. Yes, liberal fascists are masters of disguise!
Oh, by the way, last month Obama’s Attorney General Eric Holder cancelled his speech at the Oklahoma City Police Department’s graduation ceremonies after local Republicans denounced and, in one case, threatened to arrest him. If you can find any rightbloggers complaining that his Constitutional rights were violated by this, please let us know; the rightbloggers reax we’ve seen run more like, “Liberty activists 1, Holder 0,” “Hundreds are celebrating right now,” etc.
Also unconstitutional: When a private company expects you to abide by its Terms of Service, and you’re conservative. A few months back, some guys wanted to raise money on Kickstarter to make a movie about convicted abortionist Kermit Gosnell, and Kickstarter asked them to revise their gruesome pitch material. The auteurs instead left Kickstarter in a huff and raised the money on indiegogo.
Though Kickstarter had offered to work with the filmmakers on a resolution, Kristen Powers described this at USA Today as “Liberals’ mob rule… a chilling reminder of how mercilessly some liberals will work to silence and marginalize people who hold views with which they disagree.”
“When Kickstarter censored my film on abortion doctor Kermit Gosnell,” headlined filmmaker Phelim McAleer at Fox News. “Forced off of crowdfunding site Kickstarter by censors,” skreeeed Michelle Malkin. “Billboard Outside Kickstarter HQ Blasts It for Censoring Kermit Gosnell Movie,” cried LifeNews. “Filmmakers Discuss Kickstarter’s Attempt to Censor ‘Gosnell’ Project,” cried TruthRevolt. So the next time Amazon or Facebook or anybody tells you you’re violating their Terms of Service, tell ’em to fuck off and run those oversize photos of anal warts on your profile page — you’re a conservative and you know your rights!
Also, did you know that science fiction authors have a constitutional right not to be criticized. provided they’re rightwing? This novel theory was advanced by rightbloggers when scifi author Larry Correia proposed a slate of conservative writers for Hugo Awards. The conservatives were denied nominations by the liberal fascists — oh wait, sorry, the conservatives were nominated for Hugos, but some people don’t like them so they may not win, and the possibility that they may not win is pre-emptive censorship.
“There was a time when science fiction was a place to explore new ideas,” sighed rightblogger kingpin Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit at USA Today. “…now, apparently, a writer’s politics are the most important thing, and authors with the wrong politics are no longer acceptable, at least to a loud crowd that has apparently colonized much of the world of science fiction fandom.”
Reynolds quoted the victim Correia, who described his indignities: “Plug my name into Google for the last few days. Make sure to read the comments to the various articles, too.” Apparently Correia has been “sabotaged and slandered… maligned and politicked against..” Translation into reality: People said mean things about Larry Correia, and this, wept Reynolds, is, like poor Brendan Eich losing his job, censorship: “Purging the heretics, usually but not always from the left, has become a popular game in a lot of institutions.”
Now, you may think, so what? Rightbloggers are nuts, and even though some of them have hundreds of thousands of readers, they’re just shouters on the internet — people with actual influence don’t listen to them, do they?
In WorldNetDaily’s “acclaimed monthly Whistleblower magazine” (yeah, us neither), there’s currently a cover story called “THE NEW FASCISM: From ‘gay rights’ to ‘global warming,’ totalitarianism is rapidly rising.” WorldNetDaily’s promo for it (sorry, we’re not paying even the “special offer” price to subscribe) reads kind of like this column, only without the jokes — for example:
“Newt Gingrich called it an ‘open, blatant example of the new fascism,’ Charles Krauthammer called it ‘totalitarian,’ Pat Buchanan labeled it ‘the new blacklist’ and RedState headlined it as ‘a fascist purge’… They were referring, of course, to the forced resignation of tech prodigy Brendan Eich…”
Be not deceived: The big names smell the wave coming and are getting on board. It’s gotten to the point where venerable Wall Street Journal columnist Daniel Henninger — always awful, but at least more or less sane heretofore — has been reduced to raving like Glenn Beck about how “an agreement signed last May between the federal government and the University of Montana to resolve a Title IX dispute” was the “trigger event” that unleashed liberal fascism — literally unleashed, because on that trigger event, Henninger said, “the Obama administration let the dogs out” and now we live in the Fourth Reich, where “the left has hit ramming speed across a broad swath of American life — in the universities, in politics and in government. People fingered as out of line with the far left’s increasingly bizarre claims are being hit and hit hard…” Just as we’ve described!
Also among the allegedly serious people talking like fringe rightbloggers:
“So it is amazing that in the name of liberality, in the name of being tolerant, this fascist intolerance has arisen… people like me [who oppose gay marriage] are considered haters, hate mongers, evil, which really is exactly what we’ve seen throughout our history as going back to the days of the Nazi takeover in Europe… then the next came, well, those people are so evil and hateful, let’s bring every book that they’ve written or has to do with them and let’s start burning the books, because we can’t tolerate their intolerance.” — US Representative Louie Gohmert (R-TX).
“I think the thing that is getting a little tiresome, the gay community, they have so bullied the American people, and they’ve so intimidated politicians. The politicians fear them, so that they think they get to dictate the agenda everywhere.” — US Representative Michele Bachmann (R-MN).
“I’m outraged by growing liberal fascism on campuses. Over the weekend, it forced former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice to cancel her planned commencement address at Rutgers University.” — former GOP Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich.
“There was a time when liberals in this country believed in debate. But that is increasingly not the case for the modern Left in America. No, the modern Left in America has grown tired of debate. Their new strategy is simply to try to silence their critics.” — Governor Bobby Jindal (R-LA).
“Democracies don’t end well. We are sliding very fast towards fascism. It’s an ugly kind of thing. There’s this kind of mob mentality that we have to be careful of… I do think you look can look at government and go, ‘Wow, it is out of control now,’ and if you do criticize or tend to be not directly along a liberal stand, you can get murdered…” — former SNL cast member Rob Schneider.
To us, Deuce Bigalow stings the most. On the bright side, it’s at least even money that most of our fellow Americans haven’t turned into paranoid lunatics yet. We’ll see.