News & Politics

Rightbloggers Try to Grope a Win From Trump’s Bad Week

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As sexual misconduct accusations rolled in against Donald Trump last week, the Republican candidate for president of the United States busied himself with ravings alternately paranoid (“Alec Baldwin portrayal stinks. Media rigging election!” — Trump, on SNL) and sexist (“And when she walked in front of me, believe me, I wasn’t impressed” — Trump, on Hillary Clinton’s ass). Even some Republican office-holders “distanced” themselves from him (that is, couched their continued support with ass-saving tut-tuts).

But Trump’s still got his loyalists — including rightbloggers. True, the few remaining NeverTrumpers are (justifiably) singing I Told You So, and many (but not all) who defend Trump are willing to stipulate that sexual harassment and assault are Bad Things. But no Bad Thing could be worse to them than a Hillary Clinton victory, so, clad in battle armor (and, in the case of the women, chastity belts), they defended what increasingly seems a lost cause.

The accusations gave some of the Trumpier bros a chance to show their fealty. At Gateway Pundit, for example, while nearly everyone else was retching over the accusations, Jim Hoft — titled royalty among rightbloggers — was running stories like “Trump’s Butler Debunks Another Alleged Groper’s Story…” (That Hoft didn’t just settle for the pimp guy everyone else was covering, and went with the racist butler instead, shows the initiative that might make him Press Secretary in a Trump administration.)

Others among the brethren wondered why anyone was stressing over a little groping. At the Washington Times, Wesley Pruden reminisced wistfully of the days when Strom Thurmond would bestow “the occasional pinch when he came upon a young lady bending over the groaning board at a cocktail party…” I’m guessing the Washington Times’ readership skews older.

At Ammoland, Alan Korwin scoffed because ladies on news shows wear “Temptation garments” and “‘She’s asking for it’ rags,” of which, he added, “the ultimate example” was “Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct.” He also griped about all the sexy language in the movie Horrible Bosses, which I assume his grandchildren bought him on DVD for Christmas; maybe Pruden can come over and watch it with him sometime.

Believe it or not, this equivalence of dirty words and sexual assault was also promulgated by intellectual rightbloggers. Take City Journal columnist Heather Mac Donald. “Democrats and their media allies, joined by many Republicans” were sickened by the groping accusations against Trump, she admitted, but to be fair, women often dress alluringly: “Surely the ravenous purchase by females of stiletto heels, push-up bras, butt-hugging mini-skirts, plunging necklines, false eyelashes, hair extensions, breast implants, butt implants, lip implants, and mascara, rouge, and lipstick to the tune of billions a year has nothing to do with it,” she wrote. (Look, I said she was an intellectual; I didn’t say she was smart.)

Mac Donald also compared Billy Bush and Trump to Leporello and Don Giovanni, which is like comparing Lloyd and Harry in Dumb and Dumber to Hamlet and Horatio, and got into what became a major theme among rightbloggers: The lyrics of Beyoncé as a defense of Trump.

The popular singer’s line “When he fuck me good I take his ass to Red Lobster” sounded to Mac Donald “like a sexual quid pro quo, ripe for a harassment lawsuit.” Yet no one is suing Beyoncé for sexual harassment! If only DAs would prosecute fictional actions as readily as they do real ones; Trump’s right, it’s all rigged.

Publicized by another conservative intellectual, former New York lieutenant governor Betsy McCaughey, the Beyoncé defense spread like wildfire among wingnuts. “Beyonce, cited by Michelle Obama as role model for her daughters, sings about ‘pussy curvalicious, served delicious,’ ” tweeted Ann Coulter. “Oh my. I just fainted.” (Perhaps from embarrassment*; the lyrics are actually Nicki Minaj’s.) (*Kidding! Coulter is not capable of embarrassment, nor any human emotions.)

“This is all feigned moral outrage coming from people who love what’s happened to the popular culture,” said Laura Ingraham on her radio show. “[Beyoncé] feels the need to bump and grind against every dancer on the stage with the S&M outfits during the Super Bowl and touching themselves in their private parts as they dance. I mean, this is the culture we’re all proud of?” Wow, sexy dancing in pop music! Things really have degenerated since the days of Joey Heatherton.

“I am not interested in hearing cultural liberals get high and mighty about how vile Donald Trump is (and he is!) for his gross sexual behavior, but then have them turn around and cheer for every new manifestation of polymorphous perversity that flops across the transom,” sputtered the American Conservative’s Rod Dreher. Dreher wasn’t talking about Beyoncé, however, but about Miley Cyrus, because she had recently announced herself to be “pansexual.”

“I’m old enough to remember when ‘That one will screw anything that moves’ was an insult to either the man or the woman to whom it was applied,” Dreher muttered as kids swarmed over his lawn. “Today, that quality is a virtue, and its gets you fawning notice in USA Today.”

Dreher had no patience for those libtards who think there’s a difference between sexy entertainments and real-life pussy grabbing: “I know, I know: consent,” he eye-rolled. “Legally it’s an important concept, but it’s not a moral disinfectant.” Plus Dreher mentioned a woman he’d heard about who’d had a bad sexual experience but “wasn’t sure if she had given consent or not” and seemed to think it proved his point: “Here was a young woman who felt that she had undergone a deep trauma, but all she could think about — because this is what her culture had trained her to think about — was legalistic procedure.” Whereas if we were back in godly times, she’d recognize she was a slut and just blame herself!

You may be wondering what Dilbert creator Scott Adams — who previously predicted Trump’s “Master Persuader” skills would win him the election — has to say about the current state of affairs. Adams now thinks Clinton likely to win, but Master Persuasion is still a thing “because the concept doesn’t account for unknowns of this magnitude,” he said. “If a meteor had struck Trump a day before election day, it wouldn’t say much about his skill as a persuader.” Similarly, no one could have anticipated that a frequent Howard Stern radio guest might have said or done something offensive.

Adams also said the accusation by Jessica Leeds that Trump “was like an octopus” with her was so singular that “Godzilla [behavioral psychologist Robert Cialdini], or someone similarly skilled, is probably behind that word.” This reflects another popular rightblogger idea that Leeds cribbed the expression, perhaps from Lou Reed’s “The Gift,” thus impeaching her testimony despite the simile’s long history of use by gropees. “It’s too engineered for a civilian to concoct during an interview,” Adams continued. “That’s professional work.” And whoever thought of making the alleged victim a woman — genius!

Something else Adams said was especially interesting: “Facts and policies stopped mattering months ago. No one cares.” He’s half right — while Clinton’s positions have always been pretty clear, Trump’s have changed with the breeze and in any case have little to do with his appeal, which is the fuck-you he offers people who don’t see why they have to watch their language or their cars’ emissions or get with the whole “politically correct” thing about how you treat a lady. This, more than embarrassment at the subject, may explain the sad tone of rightbloggers who are defending him: Most of them have some kind of beliefs, albeit crazy and reactionary, and would like to think these were capable of rallying the electorate to their cause: how it must sting them to acknowledge that the contest may really come down to how many people despise their candidate as a sexist pig versus how many of them love him for it.

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