When life presents you with an aluminum bucket brimming with gold flakes, what do you do? Do you regard the gold flakes with a nod and continue to your job at the (Rite Aid, dry cleaners, haberdashery), doomed to an eternity of sensible drudgery, of on-time tax payments and annual teeth cleanings? Or do you grab life by the horns and run away with those gold flakes?
On September 29 at 4:30 p.m., one man made a choice. Have you ever seen a person’s face at the precise moment he knows his life is about to change irrevocably? It’s at the nine-second mark. Take a look:
That is the face of a man saying, Fuck it, I am grabbing an 86-pound, 5 gallon aluminum pail filled with $1.6 million in gold flakes, and I am running down the street and never looking back.
According to the NYPD, the suspect lifted the flakes from the unattended back of an armored car on West 48th Street between 5th and 6th avenues, and I’m sorry, but if you can’t be bothered to close the trunk of your militarized vehicle full of millions of dollars in gold flakes, then you get what’s coming to you.
According to Wikipedia, most armored cars have three occupants: A driver, who is generally never allowed to leave the vehicle, and one or two guards responsible for delivering the goods. Most guards are armed with, check it out, “handguns, submachine guns or assault rifles (CITATION NEEDED).”
A look around the area via Google Streetview reveals not much of note — the Rockefeller Center parking garage, a Lenwich, the Pig ‘n’ Whistle.
“Bruce, I’m going to need you to be honest with me. Where were you when the flakes were stolen?”
“Sir, I was standing in line for a Lenwich.”
Police told NBC the guard had merely walked away for “20 seconds” to grab his cell phone from the truck’s cab, which is arguably more humiliating, if true. Inside job? Maybe!
An NYPD spokesperson would not reveal the owner of the gold flakes when asked by the Village Voice. Because this incident happened in September, it seems that notifying the press was a last-ditch effort to find someone who has long since fled the country, a trail of gold flakes winking tauntingly in his wake. Authorities believe he could be hiding out in Florida, perhaps in Miami or Orlando.
Anyone with information on the man’s whereabouts should notify the NYPD, probably.