Film

At Least Godawful Russian Action-Thriller “Black Rose” Looks Like It Was Fun for the Dude Who Stars in It

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Let’s cut straight to the chase: Black Rose is a bad film — amazingly, astoundingly, supercalifragilisticexpialidociously bad. It’s the directorial debut of Russian action star Alexander Nevsky (not to be confused with the thirteenth-century battling prince about whom Eisenstein once made a historical). Nevsky plays a noble but badass Moscow police major who, of course, lives by his own rules. He travels to Los Angeles to aid the local police in tracking down a serial killer who has a thing for Russian-immigrant streetwalkers.

The film was reportedly released in Russia way back in January 2014, but it exudes such a tired, cheaply made laziness that it could have jumped off a Blockbuster shelf in 1992. Nevsky is emulating his own childhood hero, Arnold Schwarzenegger, acting as wooden and stilted as Schwarzenegger did in his prime. As such, the movie is a sunny ripoff of Red Heat, one that pairs its star not with Jim Belushi but with brainy-but-easy-on-the-eyes cop (Kristanna Loken, who went after Schwarzenegger in Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines). The two do damage all over L.A. Robert Davi, who co-starred with Arnie in Raw Deal, turns up here as the sympathetic LAPD captain who turns a blind eye to Nevsky’s Dirty Harry tactics.

This lunkheaded yarn is 82 minutes of Nevsky trying to be like a 1980s action hero. But he forgets to make everything else — the story, the direction, the performances from his fellow castmates — look even that appealing.

Black Rose

Directed by Alexander Nevsky

ITN Distribution

Opens April 28

Available on demand