Top 14 Fetish BDSM Dating Sites – The Best Fetish Dating Websites Of 2021

*Sponsored by: Pleasure Seeker*

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Not everyone gets BDSM, but those of us who do understand it as the perfect middle ground between pure lust and true love. 

When you “play” with a partner you get a strong emotional connection, an intense rush, and some even say a blissful or out-of-this-world climax. 

But what are the best fetish websites and BDSM sites out there?

Here we’re going to discuss the best BDSM fetish dating sites, as well as a general introduction to the lifestyle and the community. 

Grab your collar and handcuffs!

Top 14 Kinky Dating Sites and Apps For BDSM Singles

First Look

  1. Best overall BDSM dating site – Adult Friend Finder
  2. Meet kinky people easily – Fetlife
  3. Good for traveling kinksters – Alt.com
  4. Discreet married dating site – Ashley Madison
  5. Good for kink newbies – BDSM.com
  6. Sub/Dom Sugar Baby Relationships – Seeking
  7. Fetish-themed social network – Fetish.com
  8. Polyamorous community – Fantasy Match 
  9. Friendly fetish community – Whiplr
  10. BDSM Dating App – KinkD
  11. Low number of fake profiles – Kinkoo
  12. Extreme fetishes – Fetster
  13. 100% free Reddit BDSM Personals – r/BDSMpersonals
  14. Find kinky people via erotica – Literotica

1. Adult Friend Finder – Best Overall BDSM Dating Site

We chose Adult Friend Finder as our #1 pick because it offers the largest fetish community and lets you search for an endless number of sexual niches with its forum option. 

There’s also a social media feature so you can post all about your kinks and experiences.

Adult Friend Finder is the most thriving kink website and that certainly matters when dealing with the BDSM lifestyle. You don’t want to be a lone wolf!

Add video chat, swingers, threesomes, and LGBTQ+ friendliness into the mix, and you’ve got a winner!

Pros

  • A thriving kink community
  • Video chat with professionals or amateurs 
  • Forums and fetish groups standing by
  • LGBTQ+ & Swingers

Cons

  • High membership fee

2. Fetlife – Best Free Site to Meet Kinky People

Fetlife is the most popular free dating site for kinksters and like-minded people. 

The site offers free chat, photos, video, and an easy social network-style layout that lets you search for kinks and add friends or follow members who are into the same lifestyle. 

There have been many sites like FetLife, but none measure up to this juggernaut of the kinkster community.

Fetlife also introduced a mobile FetLife app recently, which offers notifications, messaging from the site, a stealth mode for public viewing, and even a Discover option for nearby events. Nice!

Pros

  • Search by fetish, location, or personal ads
  • FetLife mobile app & PC versions
  • Free membership

Cons

  • No videos for a free membership
  • No easy way to trade photos privately

3. Alt.com – Best BDSM and Fetish Site for Travelers

Alt.com is one of the largest BDSM dating website communities. Alt offers photo trading, fetish dating, swingers and couples, and even member cameras. You can join for free and start looking around for your kink and other users into the same stuff. 

It’s very easy to use!

Alt.com offers amateur chat as well as experienced doms and dommes for the complete BDSM adventure. You can also extend your search to countries across the world and find like-minded kinksters anywhere

Pros

  • Moderators get rid of SPAM 
  • Camera fun, dating & fetish search
  • Search as straight, gay, trans, or couples 

Cons

  • Limited free preview

4. Ashley Madison – Most Discreet Fetish Dating Site 

Ashley Madison is not necessarily a fetish website, but it is probably the most discreet place on the internet for a married affair

You can run a search on a specific kink or you can search locally to see who’s nearby and what their favorite kink is. 

While the site doesn’t do kink matches, talking about your kink to a new friend is one of the best ways to start a strictly sexual relationship

Pros

  • Very discreet & private
  • Mask or blur your photos
  • State fetishes on your profile

Cons

  • Not BDSM specific, no forums

5. BDSM.com – Best for Newcomers Interested in BDSM

With over 900,000 members, BDSM.com is a sex-positive website with a fast-growing community of fetishists. 

Here, you can find over 340 groups devoted to unique kinks, including FemDom, bound and gagged, high heels and boots, no limits roleplay, and kinky and geeky. 

Let’s just say there are kinky girls and guys aplenty.

You can form your own group, and check out over 250,000 member videos. Give it a try!

Pros

  • 340 fetish groups
  • 900,000 members
  • Join as an individual, couple, or group
  • Good matching process

Cons

  • Very limited free preview

6. Seeking – Best Online Dating App for Wealthy Kinksters

Seeking.com is not a kink matching site by design, but it caters to one popular niche – the sugar daddy spoiling his sugar baby. 

Ideally, you need some cash to splash.

Oftentimes that sugar dynamic turns into dom/sub or master/slave kinks, especially with the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey. 

Pros

  • 4-1 female to male ratio
  • Sugar daddy or sugar momma searching
  • Find someone successful or just eye-candy 

Cons

  • Only the wealthy need apply

7. Fetish.com – Best Social Networking and Kink Dating Site 

More than a website – Fetish.com is a portal to the greater BDSM community. At Fetish.com, the site’s primary feature is offering maps to local MUNCHES which are PG-rated meetup groups for everyone. 

Membership is free and you can browse forums, chat, and take your search almost anywhere in the world. The site offers a combination of community and dating/matching. 

Pros

  • Fetish searching & matching
  • Read, write & share
  • Great place to find Munch events

Cons

  • Male-centric site with a higher male population

8. Fantasy Match – Best Poly Online Community 

The Fantasy App, not to be confused with Fantasy.com, is an app exclusively for polyamorous and open marriage relationships. 

There’s no need to ask about marital status, but you can be assured that everyone here believes in ethical dating, safety, health, and reciprocity. 

Pros

  • Ethical & open poly dating
  • People all about comfort and consent
  • Designed from a female perspective

Cons

  • Not a great place for horny dudes with male-centric fantasies! 

9. Whiplr – Friendliest Kink and Fetish Community

Whiplr has a growing community with over 1.2 million members, 600,000 photos, and 50,000 chats and video calls.

The community offers a variety of fetishes, including newcomers, cuckholders, masters, slaves, and 24/7 slave-master setups. The site also sponsors fetish meetups across the world. 

Pros

  • 230 fetishes to choose from
  • Local matching
  • Fetish events to meet nearby kinksters

Cons

  • Very limited preview

10. KinkD – Best Sex-Positive Online Dating App

KinkD is an app that matches together kinksters and BDSM users, while also offering a social network for all its users.

Whether you’re single, a couple, or swingers, you can join, post on walls, chat, view stories, meet up, and even follow the most popular users in the community. 

Things can get very specific here, from threesomes to even Christian or Jewish BDSM.

Pros

  • Specific niches & worldwide matches
  • Active social network
  • Follow the top users & see videos

Cons

  • App only

11. Kinkoo – Least Likely to Have Fake Profiles

Kinkoo started in 2017 but it’s getting along nicely, with a vetted community that weeds out spammers and fakes, and also matches users together using its own algorithm.

Nice.

The site also offers education and kink feeds for each user, which serves as an icebreaker, as well as the introduction of a soft or hard limit. 

Pros

  • Start conversations via the kink feed
  • Meet people nearby or while traveling
  • Matching algorithms, not just a classifieds website

Cons

  • App only

12. Fetster – Most Open-Minded BDSM Community

Fetster is a free kinkster website that operates as both a social network and a meetup group. 

Extreme fetishes are all over, from cuckolds to CBT, pegging, master-slave, rope-play, suspension, deprecating, caging, and spanking

Search locally, or by city, start chatting, and no premium membership is required. 

You can even make your own groups if you don’t find one you like – that’s an excellent feature for specific kinks and fetishes.

Pros

  • Completely free site
  • Make your own niche fetish groups
  • Offers meetup opportunities and events
  • Blogs, forums & social network

Cons

  • Not an attractive layout, a bit outdated

13. Reddit BDSM Personals – Best Free To Use BDSM Singles Site

Reddit is one of the easiest sites to use, given that it’s free and has a laid-back personal ad posting approach to its community. 

The Fetish Reddit community has 145,000 users and even has active subgroup moderation. 

You can tag your ad and post by location, age, and whatever kink you’re looking for. Reddit’s best feature? The personal ad can change to an active chat with just one click. 

Pros

  • 100% free
  • Easy to post a specific add
  • Moderated to get rid of spam

Cons

  • No features beyond chat and on-site email address

14. Literotica – Find Kinky People Through Erotica

Literotica is known as more of a sexting dating site and a bit of an old website since they haven’t bothered updating their layout since the turn of the century. 

But it’s one of the best places to meets fellow kinksters solely because of the huge free archive of erotic fiction available onsite. 

Pros

  • Read sexy stories kinksters have written
  • Chat live & anonymously
  • Join live chat rooms with multiple kinksters

Cons

  • No features beyond chat

BDSM Etiquette For Newbies – A Quick Guide  

BDSM is a very general term referring to a broad community of people who have very specific sexual preferences or even non-sexual kinks. 

You will experience intense emotional highs, similar to love, but with a much more diverse view of relationships and commitment. 

BDSM can be summarized by 4 distinct ideas: 

  • Bondage – Being restrained or restraining someone else
  • Discipline – Consensually training someone to obey you
  • Dominance and Submission – Roleplaying, negotiation & power exchange
  • Masochism – The infliction of pain and pleasurable release

How to Start a Conversation with a BDSM Kinkster

First things first, nobody wants to play with a dangerous psychopath who doesn’t understand that BDSM is a game and not a literal dungeon of doom. 

Remember, it’s all for fun.

That’s why the best and only way to start a conversation with a new friend is to talk like a normal human being and speak the language of your fellow kinksters. 

That means being safe, sane, and consensual. No method acting in the beginning – there’s no need to audition or impress. Be friendly and approachable and then explore the kinks you have in common.

Are you a Dom, Sub, or Switch?

Sessions of play are sometimes called “scenes” requiring a Dom, Sub, or Switch. If a website asks you whether you’re a Dom, Sub, or Switch, this means whether you like to be:

  • DOM – the one giving pleasure/pain
  • SUB – the one receiving pleasure/pain
  • SWITCH – one who can play either role

Despite what you would assume, the Receiver/Sub is usually the one who directs “the scene.” 

Dominants are trying their best to give pleasure to the submissive so that the submissive will keep using a Dom’s services. Successful negotiation increases trust and partners can closely bond together after so many sessions. 

BDSM players do not like an abusive or arrogant Dom that doesn’t understand the psychology or responsibility of directing the scene. Bad Doms who don’t know what they’re doing are often shunned from the community, so be careful!

Respecting Hard and Soft Limits

Speaking of rules, trust is easy to promise but sometimes hard to live up to. Don’t assume you can improvise. Stick to the system of hard/soft limits to avoid making an enemy for life. 

If someone mentions any of these phrases when discussing fantasies, pay close attention: 

  • Hard Limits: Never do this – going beyond one’s hard limits is breaking their trust
  • Soft Limits: Yes, the sub may be negotiable, but it can only happen according to their level of comfort – not yours
  • Safe Words: If a sub gets scared and uses the “safe word” (something you both agree upon before the scene happens) then that means STOP. Don’t resume until given the go-ahead
  • Red, Yellow, Green: Instead of a safe word, there may be levels of comfort. Such as Red: Stop, Yellow: Proceed slowly and cautiously, and Green: More, More, More!

How to Join the BDSM Dating Community

The easiest way to join the BDSM community is to not make a big dramatic scene, but rather to introduce yourself in the forum discussions, search for your kinks, like photos or member posts, and request to follow or chat with someone interesting.

It’s not rocket science

Still, be careful not to be too pushy when you first start. There’s no need to score a date the first night or even the first week of joining the community. Just chill and get to know people first.

Kink and Fetish Dating FAQs

What if someone asks for money?

This can be tricky because some financial interactions are perfectly legal (i.e. webcam work, being a Domme, or escorting for companionship), but others are not, namely prostitution. 

Even “consensual financial domination” (sending money for doms to insult you) is a legitimate thing. 

However, if someone volunteers to meet you and do “anything” for financial compensation, be very suspicious. Follow your instincts and don’t run off with new members who have no connections in the community. 

What mistakes do most men make when joining Fetish social dating sites?

Here are the 7 mistakes I see guys make the most:

  1. Being too aggressive as a Dom
  2. Being too annoying or boring as a Sub
  3. Not respecting a Dom’s rules
  4. Making sexual comments before there’s enough trust
  5. Ignoring the hard/soft limits
  6. Just posting pictures, but nothing “interesting” on the profile page
  7. Saying “I can offer anything you want!” but having no experience or niche

Do I have to sign a contract at a bondage dating site?

It’s encouraged to sign a contract beforehand, and not just a symbolic contract. 

A literal bondage contract shows each other that you respect the agreed-upon boundaries and are willing to oversee the safety of your partner at all times.

The Best BDSM Paid Membership Site – AFF

While Fetlife came very close to reaching #1, it just falls short of Adult Friend Finder’s variety, ease of use, and exciting social media interface. 

Still, Fetlife is free to use and has a mobile app version which is very handy.

But our research saw AdultFriendFinder had the biggest community and the most sexual niches to choose from

Whichever website you end up using, remember to play safe, follow the rules, and have a good time!

Highlights