Why I Hate Nightlife! 35 Bitter Reasons!

Here’s my hilarious new column in which I go over all the hideous things about nightlife, from door people who look at you as if you were a decayed rodent to people who scream inanities, spill drinks, dis your outfit, block you from the VIP area, play shitty music, or ask you where the bathroom is.

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I’d tell you more about it, but I’m running off to a nightclub right now.