Michael Musto's Top Three Top Ten Lists, Because Why Not?

 

THE DECADE'S 10 SHADIEST PEOPLE TO AVOID AT ALL COSTS

1—Karl Rove: The brains behind the brainless.

2—Bernie Madoff: A huge pain in the asset management.

3—Jim McGreevey: "I'm a gay American." Yeah, with an unqualified boy toy on the payroll.

4—Tiger Woods: He went clubbing—and so did the wife.

5—Carrie Prejean: Gays should have fixed up all her hair.

6—Balloon boy's father: He had the world chasing an empty balloon as he ran after hollow fame.

7—Octomom: Implanted embryos pop out of her and right toward an agent's office.

8—Levi Johnston: Much ado about two unseen inches.

9—Bill O'Reilly/Glenn Beck: Yes, they are two different people, with separate loofahs.

10—Mark Sanford: He would have seemed sleazier if McGreevey hadn't preceded him.

THE DECADE'S 10 WORST COUPLES

1—Eminem and Elton John: Sir Elton validated the rapper with a 2001 Grammys duet that made me hate the gays, too.

2—Brangelina: She was more interesting when she was a wild child—and so was Angelina.

3—Janet Jackson's breasts: I wish one of them hadn't popped out on TV, leading to mass hysteria and crackdowns.

4—Rihanna and Chris Brown: She should have hit him back with her umbrella . . . ella . . . ella . . .

5—Britney and K-Fed: Thank God he's now Fed-ex.

6—Jon and Kate: Plus idiocy.

7—Mackenzie Phillips and Dad: Gave consensual incest a bad name.

8—Madonna and A-Rod: A PR stunt that broke up a marriage.

9—Madonna and Jesus: What's going to happen when she's 80 and he's 12?

10—Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey: A battle of wits between two unarmed opponents.

THE DECADE'S 10 WORST MOVIES

1—Gigli (2003): When J. Lo said, "Gobble, gobble," you knew it was a turkey.

2—Glitter (2001): Didn't get first place only because it provided some much-needed giggles right after 9/11.

3—Battlefield: Earth (2000): A sci-fi thriller about a complete wasteland—namely, the mind of L. Ron Hubbard.

4—The Master of Disguise (2002): Dana Carvey played Pistachio Disguisey. Need I say more?

5—Norbit (2007): Came out just in time to ruin Eddie Murphy's Oscar chances for Dreamgirls.

6—Spinning Into Butter (2007): A limp drama that spun a good topic into piping-hot dreck.

7—Gray Matters (2006): As Gray Baldwin, Heather Graham turned lesbo—and straight guys still stayed away in droves.

8—Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): I didn't see it, but neither did anyone else, except for critics who uniformly called it a WMD.

9—Fly Me to the Moon (2008): It was in 3-D, so you spent the movie swatting flies away in between dozing off.

10—Chocolat (2000): Would-be whimsy that made my stomach hurt and my teeth ache.

 
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