Morning Report 10/23/05White House Lit Up Early This Year


Who’s naughty? Fitzgerald is making a list, checking it twice.

Harkavy; White House

Tales from the cryptic: In a scene from the White House’s Barney Reloaded (2004), Karl Rove sheds light on himself, for a change.

The White House is so tense these days that the surreal silence among its denizens about the Plamegate investigation is palpable, the Washington Post reports.

It’s practically the night before Patrick Fitzgerald delivers his holiday package to Pennsylvania Avenue. Better to hear the jingle of this unlikely Santa’s sleigh bells than the slay bells of the Bush regime, which has cost the families of nearly 2,000 American soldiers their holiday happiness. Not to mention tens of thousands of Iraqis, but we don’t do body counts, remember?

Apparently, according to the Post, no one at the White House’s morning meetings will bring up this season’s F-word. And this time, no one’s really leaking much of anything so far. Fitzgerald has a real mess on his hands, but that’s nothing new. He works out of a messy office, we’re told by the New York Times, but somehow “orderly achievements” emerge from the “near-total anarchy.”

Funny that the Times is so hung up on anarchy. The 500,000 protesters at the 2004 Republican National Convention were smeared by the paper as “anarchists,” but look who’s been running amok — besides Judy Miller, that is.

It’s George W. Bush and his handlers who have been out of control. Why do you think I always talk about those handlers as the ones making decisions? Bush doesn’t run things; Dick Cheney does. Until his top aide undos him.

Last year was different. Things were just as fucked up, but Bush and his handlers still had the momentum. Flushed with victory, the White House was inspired last Christmas to put together Barney Reloaded, a “Barney Cam II” video that features Karl Rove coming out of the shadows, thanks to a string of Xmas lights. (You just can’t make this shit up.)

Thanks to the monumental gall of Rove and Cheney, who can afford Xmas gifts this year? But someone else is about to light up Rove this year. You thought Friday the 13th was scary? Wait till Friday the 28th.

Bush won’t be the star. He’s not involved in Plamegate the way Nixon was in Watergate. But no matter what Fitzgerald produces, Plamegate, combined with Wampumgate, Harriet-Should-Get-The-Gate, and other scandals, is far worse, and more deadly, than Watergate.

Thousands of us have known for years that Bush isn’t capable of running anything. Colin Powell‘s former chief of staff, Colonel Larry Wilkerson, finally put some memorable words to this by referring to the “Cheney-Rumsfeld cabal.”

Next thing you know, Madonna and child will sign on as novitiates and eventually cut a new CD about it.

But first, we wonder what Fitzgerald will bring us. Hope it’s not just a Scooter.