Dear Readers: Gracias, merci, obrigado for the many submissions in our contest asking readers to argue in 25 words why corn tortillas are superior to flour, or vice versa. Below are the winners for some of the cities that carry the Mexican. Don’t see your city? Don’t like the winner? Then why didn’t you enter, you lazy Mexican?
ST. LOUIS: Corn tortillas are superior. Flour tortillas were only invented because stupid gringos were getting sick eating corn tortillas because they forgot the lime-water step.
PHILADELPHIA: I cannot pick one
Corn or flour I have won
I love my torts! Yum!
Corn tortillas come from the domain of the Aztec diosa, Chicomecoátl. Has anyone heard of a goddess of flour? Flour tortillas are malnourished arepas. ¡Guácala!
SALT LAKE CITY: Corn is native to the Americas; wheat is an import. Besides, corn masa wears out your teeth faster so you can replace them with gold.
SAN FRANCISCO: Whole-wheat tortillas for my gringo comida. Corn tortillas tend to be la variedad blanca de elote, so I make sure I’m not getting Bisquick!
MONTEREY: I use flour tortillas to wrap the leftover Chinese food from last night and nuke it for about a minute. Moo shoo pork, kung pao shrimp—the best!
DALLAS: Mexicans suffer more from diabetes. Flour spikes glucose like a shot of tequila. Not so with corn. So they are better. Not funny, just true.
HOUSTON: You get more corn tortillas per package at a cheaper price. So it is easier to feed the many mouths we Mexicans are known for.
DENVER: Tortillas de maíz are the best. There are more in a bag than tortillas de harina, and they are delicious con tacos de carne asada.
TUCSON: Flour is better because La Virgen only appears on flour tortillas. If it’s good enough for La Virgen, it’s good enough for me.
SACRAMENTO: Corn tortillas are the best. I am allergic to flour, but who can’t eat corn? And how do you pick up your beans without tortillas?
LOS ANGELES: Is this a trick question? No one who has ever had a genuine, fresh handmade corn tortilla should ever have to ask such a pregunta!
SAN ANTONIO: I’ll take flour tortillas: Who needs a healthy tortilla or heart? Save corn for ethanol and the pinche environment. Mexicanos need to stay fat, anyway.
ORANGE COUNTY: Why are corn tortillas better than flour? First and foremost, flour is way unhealthier than corn. More importantly, because I fucking said so. The end.
TWO ENTRIES FROM LOSER PLACES THAT DON’T RUN THE MEXICAN
Corn is the dominant grass on the planet. Wheat is the choice of fey Euros. Make muchas tortillas, not ethanol, gabachos. Word to your madre.
Masa is what our ancestors used for almost everything; flour tortillas are only an innovation for drunken frat boys to use in their late-night burritos.