Sure, America lost 491,000 jobs in April. But don’t let that bring you down — people are hiring too, as a boosterish New York Times article shows. In February, almost as many were hired as lost their jobs (or, as the Times now puts it, “were laid off or chose to leave their jobs”). And you can imagine what kind of jobs they’re getting at the gunpoint of a wrecked economy. “The amount of applicants who are qualified is definitely up,” says the manager of the Culver’s hamburger stand in Surprise, Arizona. “Now there are a lot more middle-age people applying.” (USA Today notices this trend too: “Teens compete with laid-off adults for summer jobs.” Talk about a midlife crisis.) Bet they don’t need to put up motivational posters at Culver’s — the threat of indigence is the best motivator of all! Of course, in your new jobs you’ll just barely be avoiding poverty anyway. One former construction worker the Times interviews is now making half as much at Culver’s as he used to, but looks on the bright side: “I’m having a job in a down time, and it’s a job where I can move up.”
That’s the spirit! Soon we’ll all be making such accommodations: it’s not so bad, stop thinking about the old days, don’t say anything to the boss even when he spits on you, maybe if I kill him and make off with the till I can have a few days when I really feel alive before I blow my brains out… Just because some bankers have been brought low doesn’t mean the overclass has gone away, or gotten any more generous.