Today in Staten Island: A/C Dispute Leads to Butter Knifing, Chest Biting


The Staten Island Advance brings us today’s tale of passion from the Forgotten Borough: Two guys in New Dorp, Carlos Ordonez and Unnamed, couldn’t resolve a dispute over the settings on an air conditioner. So Ordonez, taking the initiative and a butter knife, attacked Unnamed. Perhaps realizing that there’s only so much you can do with a butter knife, Ordonez resorted to “biting a chunk out of his friend’s chest.” Some New Dorpians we have known would at this point have just buried the hatchet, kicked the A/C out of the window, and bought another case of Old Milwaukee, but the Advance says Unnamed was left with “broken skin and hanging flesh,” which even by local standards is taking things too far, so he called the cops, who charged Ordonez with second-degree assault, weapons possession and harassment. This story has not been as widely disseminated as that of Staten Islander and retired NYPD lieutenant Robert McKenna, who is suing because he found a bone in his tuna fish, but we think it has a certain je n’est sais quoi or, as they say in Stapleton, whatchamacallit. Photo (cc) skeddy in nyc.