The first credit to roll for Sorority Row, director Stewart Hendler’s highly unnecessary remake of a 1983 slasher, is for a character known as “bra-clad sister.” A few entries down are “slutty sister,” “ditzy sister,” and “sarcastic sister.” I’m not sure you need to know much more than that, but here goes anyway: Somewhere among these luminaries is a group of sorority seniors whose idea of a revenge prank is convincing a young man that he has killed his girlfriend with an ill-timed roofie. The vaguely sensible one among them (played by Briana Evigan, whose resemblance to Demi Moore puts her co-star—and Moore’s actual offspring—Rumer Willis to a strange sort of shame) protests the group’s plan to cover up the death of their fellow sister when the prank tanks, and takes the lead when a graduation gown-wearing maniac begins killing off everyone associated with the death. A very thin feminist subtext about the meaning of sisterhood only highlights how badly this film botches its attempt to have it both ways: naked, bleeding cuties combined with “final girl”-ish, butt-whipping empowerment. Call me the sarcastic sister, but the only thing screaming in any convincing way here are the cheap look, epileptic direction, and off-key, “edgy” humor. It’s all so ‘80s I could die.