Results of Librarian Sex Survey about as Exciting as Librarians Actually Having Sex


Hold onto your library cards, peeps. Will Manley has released the results of the librarian sex survey that Wilson Library Bulletin refused to run in 1992 — the one which he got fired over. The results are… less than scintillating. Best tidbit: 32 percent of librarians have had hot tub sex! (How 1992 of them.)

We don’t know if it’s the dated nature of the poll (18 years is a long time to wait for anything, and maybe we get our thrills a little differently these days) or the subject matter (although sexy librarian is a thing, right?) but we feel this information would be a lot more exciting if written about, say, in a James Patterson book and then read aloud at Rikers. Or maybe frosted onto a penis cake.

But far be it from us to let our wild proclivities stain some good honest fun for everyone. Please, judge for yourselves. A few highlights:

Question 8 – Sex Without Love
20 percent of the respondents felt that sex without love is by definition bad sex.

Question 10 – Nuclear War and PeeWee Herman
38 percent of the female respondents indicated that if there were a nuclear war and PeeWee Herman was the only man on earth to survive, they would have sex with him in order to propagate the species.

Question 13 – Shakespeare and “the 1st Time”
When asked to pick the Shakespearean title that best described their first sexual encounter, 28 percent chose Comedy of Errors; 23 percent chose Midsummer’s Night Dream; 22 percent chose Much Ado About Nothing; 21 percent chose All’s Well That Ends Well; and 6 percent chose Rape of Lucrece.

Question 17 – Marriage and Celebrities — Men
Given a list of 12 celebrities, 27 percent of the males preferred to marry Kathleen Turner; 25 percent Jane Fonda; 14 percent Dolly Parton; 13 percent Diane Keaton, 8 percent Diane Sawyer; 6 percent Madonna; 4 percent Prince; 2 percent Elton John; and 1 percent split [sadly, four-way not intended] between Marla Maples, Yoko Ono, Diana Ross, and Tina Turner.

And, perhaps most revealingly:

Question 24 – Librarians and Sex Books
91 percent had read The Joy of Sex; 29 percent had read How to Make Love to a Man; 14 percent had read Human Sexual Inadequacy; and 3 percent had read Macho Sluts.

Dewey Decimal that.