Yesterday the New York Post caused quite the scandal with its story on people who have sex in restaurants. At first we wondered if this were a made-up trend or if eateries were really sites of people doing the nasty, so here at Fork in the Road, we took a somewhat unscientific poll of several of our friends to see if they, too, had been getting some loving in post-dinner. Guess what! It’s totally legit. People are fucking like crazy in New York City restaurants!
For one woman, even the threat of being exposed in the great outdoors didn’t tame her raging hormones. “My boyfriend and I had gone to dinner at one of those 24-hour Korean barbecues in the 30s and were walking it off at around 11 p.m. When we passed [REDACTED] he was like, ‘let’s get custard shakes!’ so we got in line and we were completely being that awful couple making out obliviously,” she said. “Then we sat on the very edge of the seating area, where it was very shadowy. And then I may or may not have given him a hand job under the table. Afterward we made copious jokes about custard milkshakes.” When asked if she was worried about onlookers, she replied, “No, because I was tipsy.” Ah, the freedoms provided by alcohol.
As the Post mentioned, restaurant bathrooms are common spots for getting laid, since they offer a relative amount of privacy. “My girlfriend, some friends and I ended up choosing [REDACTED] on Rivington Street for my birthday dinner. We ordered our appetizers but then they took 45 minutes to come so we were getting antsy because it was so slow,” recalled another friend. “So then my girlfriend turned me to and said, ‘Do you want to come with me to the bathroom?’ But the bathrooms had multiple stalls and weren’t single stall bathrooms. But then a girl came out of the ladies’ room, and my girlfriend pulled me into the stall. She started giving me a blowjob but then since she had a dress on we just started having sex in the stall. Then another girl came into the bathroom but my girlfriend told me not to stop so we kept having sex while the girl was peeing in the stall next to us!” Don’t really know who to feel worse for in that situation.
And then there’s a matter of having sex in the actual restaurant proper. “I was dating the general manager of [REDACTED] and because he would close up, we would be alone in the restaurant a lot late at night,” said another woman. “One night, he was sitting on one of the restaurant’s white plastic chairs and we started making out, and before you know it, we’re having sex there right on the chair, and he hasn’t even pulled the shutter down in front of the restaurant!” Just another reason why you should pack Purell wipes with you no matter where you go. And use judiciously.