4 Easy-to-Make Cannibal Recipes

We often worry about our sister blog Runnin’ Scared. Not because they’ve become obsessed with cannibalism lately (see here and here and here), but because if, say, a neighbor were to come over and offer them some human flesh, we’re afraid they just wouldn’t know what to do with it. Accordingly Fork in the Road herewith presents them with some tried-and-true recipes to turn out a perfect homo sapiens every time. And please save a little bite of kidney for us, RS!

1. Hannibal Lecter’s Human Liver With Fava Beans – Glamour Doc Lecter prefers his cannibal recipes in an Italian vein, and this wonderful dish is no exception. Description: Liver cut in cubes and sautéed in a butter/olive oil combo with caramelized onions. Basically, it’s a Venetian recipe, served with a Tuscan-leaning fava bean stew seasoned with rosemary. Chef’s observation: Serve with a nice glass of chianti.

2. Shoemaker Kebab – The first of the Donner Party to be eaten, already deceased Sam Shoemaker was apparently spitted and cooked over a fire at the Alder Creek encampment in 1846, and we’ll bet he made a memorable shish kebab. Description: Cut the most convenient and tender parts of the corpse — i.e. buttocks, eyeballs, breast, and internal organs – into two-inch gobbets, place on brochettes, interspersed with sweet Vidalia onions if you have them, and cook over an open fire to desired doneness.

3. Cannibal Holocaust Lung Sashimi [NSFW!] – This is perhaps the most hardcore and delicious of the recipes featured in the foodie film Cannibal Holocaust. Represented here in clips mashed up with a decent heavy metal band, which owes something of a musical debt to East Village natives White Zombie. Description: Remove entire lung to be passed around and eaten raw, seasoned only with mucus and blood. Not bad.

4. Friday’s Crusoe Stew – This recipe was apparently never made in its intended form, because Robinson Crusoe liberates Friday (on Friday, duh!) from his cannibal captors and converts him to Christianity, which doesn’t permit cannibalism — unless we’re talking about communion, of course. Description: If movies can be believed, the usual method of preparation involves removing the European clothes of the human, cutting the body into its component parts (arms, legs, internal organs, head, etc.), and then stewing them in a big three-leg pot, blackened from years of use. Poached pieces are then speared, removed from the pot, and passed around, with much hilarity.