Classic singer Barbara Cook read off a bunch of them at her Feinstein’s at Loews Regency performance last night, as the crowd howled with laughter.
Here are some of the all-time best, according to Barbara:
“If My Nose Was Running Money, I’d Blow It All on You”
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“If the Phone Don’t Ring, It’s Me”
“If You Don’t Leave Me Alone, I’ll Find Somebody Else Who Will”
“If I’d Have Shot You When I Wanted to, I’d Be Out by Now”
“My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don’t Love Jesus”
“Take Me Out to the Corn Field, Honey, and I’ll Kiss You Between the Ears”
And of course the immortal . . .
“When You Put Your Lunch in the Road Map, I Knew We Were Through”
Every one of those is a cotton-pickin’ classic of twisted country logic that makes perfect sense to me.
Got any others for me to have a private hoedown with?