Retreating into absurdity might be the only sane escape from the world these days. When you need to take that break, consider indulging in 999 Flavors of Gelato, Frank Ruscitti’s comic novel of devilry in Heaven and Hell.
A one-time Voice administrator who turned his hand to writing, Ruscitti reviewed books and movies and wrote on subjects ranging from the Coney Island sideshow to city politics. His ear for reporting and for taking news tips at the editorial desk serve him well in capturing details that nail down characters and reflect contemporary life (including a “MAKE HELL HELLIER” campaign). Down below, some of history’s worst past and present offenders are present, including old chum of the current POTUS Jeffrey Epstein (who eats pizza with pineapple, prompting fellow Hell-dweller Adolf Hitler to remark, “I know Italians who would murder you for what you’re eating,” as he slurps at his sauerkraut).
Taking time off from your job carries risks, especially if you’re the “Big Guy.”
In 999 Flavors of Gelato, Hell has become a tourist destination, with souvenir shops that sell “snowless globes” and attractions like “Bateau Ride on the Styx” and “Throw Your Kid Down the Well,” which, the Devil explains to a group of incoming tourists, is “like seeing the Trevi Fountain for the first time.” Bus tours cruise the scenic routes (“On your right, coming up, the Poke Your Eye Out with a Stick Pavilion!”) and give bits of history: “Does anybody know how the Devil became the Devil?” asks a passenger, to which the bus monitor answers, “He won Hell in a poker game.”
Initially, the trip to Heaven goes well, with both sides looking for favorable press coverage. At a meeting of the concierges in Heaven, the Devil, it is reported, “Jumped out of the limo like Gorbachev in New York gladhanding people … They can’t get enough of him.” Then there’s this take on the Devil’s first visit with St. Peter:
Tremendous, simply tremendous. The Devil went outside the Pearly Gates, getting on his knees making a plea to get in, St. Peter hanging up a “NO VACANCY” sign, yada yada. They also did a whole two boxers facing off thing, gloves and robes included. It was hilarious. A lot of good press.
Still, taking time off from your job carries risks, especially if you’re the “Big Guy,” and Hell experiences severe maintenance problems and the intrusion of a child who begins to out-demon the demons. But the novel’s biggest lesson is worth remembering right now: “People worshiped the Devil so much they forgot he was the Devil.” ❖