So, our Chilean miner with the mistress — Yonni Barrios — whose wife and “lady on the side” found out about one another while he was stuck underground (and whose wife subsequently failed to meet him on the day of his ascent) has been offered a $100,000 endorsement deal from AshleyMadison.com, an online dating service for skeezy people who are on the hunt for extramarital affairs.
Trickily, the contract requires that he stay married to his current wife, who, as soon as she gets whiff of this, will probably be running for divorce court. Sounds like the definition of “It’s complicated.” Not to mention, it will probably ruin any miner cute cred and goodwill that Barrios currently has — although that may be fleeting since reports of a second mistress have emerged. Man, you get around!
In honor of Barrios, herewith, a refresher of our favorite other ill-advised, awkward, accidental, or shooting-self-in-foot endorsements.
5. Jimmy Johnson’s ExtenZe commercial
In brief: Not good for your street cred. We’d say more but we’d have to take an ExtenZe. Also, we feel really uncomfortable right now, like you must be in that suit, Jimmy.
4. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen’s milk ad
Celebs, don’t endorse a food group when you don’t actually eat it. Or when you don’t eat any food group. This ad was pulled out of “sensitivity” after Mary-Kate got treatment for an eating disorder in 2004. Of course, today’s Mary-Kate looks more likely to sup on blood than anything dairy. We’re not sure which is worse.
3. Glenn Beck’s endorsement of John McCain in the 2008 presidential election
There is endorsing someone, and then there is endorsing the someone who would come into power should the person you are ostensibly endorsing become “incapable of discharging presidential duties.” And then there is hoping that will happen. Or, as Beck said,
“I have looked at the other candidates. I don’t see any of them that have the fire in the belly. I don’t see any of them that actually believe in you, who actually is you, except Sarah Palin. So I’m going to pull the lever for John McCain and let the Lord sort it out. I want somebody that just, whose compass points north. Even though all these candidates think their compass points north, it doesn’t. It’s pointing east and some places it’s pointing south. In Barack Obama it is pointing south. He says that it’s pointing north, it’s to you, but it’s not. It’s to the government, it’s to Washington, it’s to the special interests. John McCain I think points somewhere maybe northeast. It’s in the right direction but it’s not right. Sarah Palin points to you. I’m casting my vote for Sarah Palin.”
2. Dionne Warwick’s Psychic Friends Network endorsement
Hey, we’re all for psychic friends. But, jeez, having to share commercial air with Yasmine Bleeth and Ricky Paull Goldin as they discuss how long they’ll be together? Mortification. Dionne, come on, you’re better than that. (Ricky and Yasmine, alas, did not last.)
1. Kool-Aid’s Jim Jones problem
The only thing worse than being endorsed by a large, rowdy, naked red man with ice cubes for brains would be having your product co-opted by a cult leader and used as a vessel for cyanide with which 900 members of the cult are poisoned. And the only thing worse than that would be if it wasn’t Kool-Aid at all, dammit, but grape Flavor-Aid, but somebody got things all wrong and now everybody’s going around saying “Don’t drink the Kool-Aid” lest anyone else end up a dead cult member. You don’t just bounce back from that. Take our word for it.
Barrios…don’t do it.