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Hillenbrand Bro Draxploitation Spoof Transylmania

Humping the vampire trend, straight-to-DVD director bros David and Scott Hillenbrand get some multiplex action by shoehorning their usual teen-sex farce into a hoary Draxploitation spoof. Won't audiences be confused if they haven't followed the antics of these wasted college kids from National Lampoon's Dorm Daze 1 and 2? Franchise, schmanchise—we're all gonna get laid! Spending a semester abroad in a Romanian castle that doubles as a rave-ready campus, the usual gaggle of horny losers, potheads, sluts, and "brainy ones" get loaded with silicone-enhanced vamps, a pint-size dean hiding a diabolical scheme to fix his daughter's humpback, and all the filthy, sleazy locals with ridiculous accents you can stomach. The jokes are mainly of the slamming-your-dick-in-a-laptop variety—think Porky's with '00s references—and predictable innuendos about biting and sucking. There is, however, something surprisingly old-timey about the perfunctory screwball plot points: When a demonic music box is opened, a reawakened sorceress possesses a busty cheerleader; a fratty blowhard is forced to become a vampire hunter after pretending to be one; and the evil Count is an undead ringer for the lead virgin. With stronger actors and real writers, this might've been a vintage comedy you could sink your . . . nope, not going there. 

 
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