How Could The A-Team Movie Be So Loud, Yet So Boring?

A A A Comments (7) By Robert Wilonsky Tuesday, Jun 8 2010

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The A-Team
Directed by Joe Carnahan
20th Century Fox
Opens June 11

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Joe Carnahan's big-screen adaptation of NBC's 1983 midseason-replacement-turned-three-seasons-running-hit is convoluted, overstuffed, turned up to 11, and yet, somehow, deadly dull—in other words, white noise. Rather than a reinterpretation, it's a soulless, sloppy, smirky rerun that makes those Charlie’s Angels movies seem positively nouvelle vague; at least Drew Barrymore and crew weren't just shouting bad impressions over the blasts. Liam Neeson is George Peppard as Hannibal Smith, cigar-chomping frontman of the band of wrongly accused Army Rangers; Bradley Cooper is Dirk Benedict as Templeton "Faceman" Peck, bullets bouncing off his perpetual smug grin; Quinton Jackson is Mr. T as B.A. Baracus, whose mohawk still pities the fool; and District 9's Sharlto Copley is Dwight Schultz as Murdock, the howlin' mad pilot who crashes most everything he touches. To the mix, add in Jessica Biel as the Army captain charged with bringing down the boys (complicated by the fact that Face is her ex); Patrick Wilson as the CIA agent who may or may not be setting up the team (but totally is, duh); frequent video-game voice-over actor Brian Bloom as the icky leader of a Blackwater-style operation that's gone rogue, I tellya, rogue; and Gerald McRaney as the worst best friend in the world. The plot has something to do with counterfeiting plates, but it's just an excuse to blow shit up for two hours. How can something this loud be this boring?

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Logan Sexton 08/01/2010 10:09:00 AM

The A-Team movie--unlike the TV series-- has offensive profanity throughout it and all the actors for the original characters are the biggest bores and the ugliest group of men around. Neeson, so homely he puts one to sleep, is totally inadequate as Hannibal; Cooper, instead of being handsome as Face is supposed to be, has a face that would stop a clock; Jackson looks like a street punk who couldn't act his way out of a paper sack; and Copley can't hold a candle to Schultz, who was perfect as Murdock. If I were given a DVD of this movie, I'd toss it into the nearest trash can. It stinks.
Jeff Is Right 07/31/2010 9:13:00 AM

Jeff is completely right. The Village Voice is a trash website, full of pompous and inept reviewers. You have yet to be anywhere close to the mark on any action movie to date (your scores almost always vary significantly from the average, generally trending DOWN), and for half of the reviews on this website, it is obvious that the reviewer either paid little attention during the movie or didn't see it at all. So, Jeff, I agree. Fuck this website, and the people who work for it.
Sam 07/30/2010 4:36:00 AM

Joe Carnaham-n-cheese strikes again....I wonder why he didn't have any teen boys with boners like he did in Smokin' Asses....erm Aces??
Jason 06/27/2010 8:23:00 AM

You are an Idot! That movie rocked! You where probally the only looser in the 80's who didn't like the A-Team and still don't, It's not your fault you don't have any taste and probally won't have a job very much longer!
Matt 06/26/2010 8:17:00 PM

Were you a fan of the original A-Team? Obviously not because as an 80's child I thought it paid great respect to the tv series. It's mindless over the top fun, which is exactly what the tv show was. I loved it and felt like a kid again. Sometimes critics just need to sit back an enjoy a movie instead of always trying to predict the next Oscar winner
Jeff 06/14/2010 7:06:00 PM

Er... what do you guys expect from the fucking Village Voice?
Anon 06/14/2010 9:47:00 AM

This review was literally a cast list with a sentence at the end of review. What the fuck is wrong with you? Oh! I know! like many of the reviewers on this piece of shit website, you didn't even deign to SEE the movie, and read the world's shortest movie synopsis about this film. I didn't see any actual REVIEWING going on in the paragraph that you have the gall to dub a "review." I hope this fucking website gets hacked to oblivion, and all of those who fund it come to their senses and cut this piece of shit from their budgets. Or at least that you and every other reviewer here lose your ability to type.