Everybody Wants to Be Italian

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Everybody Wants to Be Italian
Directed by Jason Todd Ipson
Roadside Attractions
Opens September 5

Less a movie than a charm offensive beamed at those who thought My Big Fat Greek Wedding was a masterpiece, writer-director Jason Todd Ipson's all-too-autobiographical romantic comedy stars Jay Jablonski as Jake, an addled Boston fishmonger with little to distinguish him beyond a fine set of washboard abs and a thing for stacked but unavailable Mediterranean women. Which means the only difference between Jake's married former squeeze (Marisa Petroro) and the luscious veterinarian (Cerina Vincent) reeled in for his benefit by his unusually literary employees is that the latter is threateningly unattached. Filling in for plot and theme (beyond "Will this unreconstructed man-child give up his childish pursuits and commit?") is a lot of loose talk about Freud and Shakespeare, some nice shots of Boston's Storrow Drive, jolly accordions on the soundtrack, a chorus of swearing North End Italians with warm hearts and funny accents, and a mercifully brief appearance by Penny Marshall. All that remains is to ask what this soggy excuse for a movie is doing on Roadside Attractions' slate, while scores of promising independent filmmakers pray for distribution—or at least an overtaxed arthouse in which to show off the fruits of their far superior labor.

 
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