Cheek, in Review: 7 Days of Runnin’ Scared


After the parade. Twitpic by Mzthicknflychic.

Theeeee Yankees won! Doooooouuug Hoffman lost! The week was a mixed bag — half fire, half dog poo.

How ’bout them Yanks? They won one in Philly, then another, and were back home at the climax. Local merchants didn’t get much out of it — nor, Tom Robbins observed, did a certain former Mayor — but everyone else was delirious. Sweetening the victory, Rudolph Giuliani lost his seat to Michelle Obama. Allen Barra took notes, thumbed through the Great Books, and called it: 4 games to 2. Guess we’ll have that A-Rod centaur statue in Central Park before long. Congratulations, douchebags! And also to non-douche Crazy Yankee Chick!

It was almost enough to make you forget Election Day, and we tried, but our “brain medicine” was no match for the dazzling events: Mayor Bloomberg took the cake, but a much smaller piece than expected: Despite last-minute home finance revelations, an anti-Semitic caller, and a big media write-off, Bill Thompson finished within five points of Landslide Bloomberg. The media wondered how that could be. The Mayor nonetheless had a nice party (Thompson’s was more downbeat)

We previewed six beautiful losers, but one of them won: Dan Halloran, the heathen/Republican, bested Kevin Kim for a Queens council seat! Supporters raised a horn, denounced the Voice! All bow before the power! (Also, Gentile beat off Capano.)

Reverend Billy, beaten but unbowed, returned to the streets. Diana Reyna beat Maritza Davila, and a Brooklyn political boss. Charles Barron for council speaker? Fine with us.

Virginia and New Jersey turned red, and gay marriage was revoked in Maine. The only bright spot for the doomed President Obama was the NY-23 race, where the Republican bailed and threw her support to the Democrat to foil the Conservative, Doug Hoffman, who had much national support from rightbloggers, Sarah Palin, and other movers and shriekers. Election Day was a ragefest, with police called and Conservative tires assaulted by a bottle in the road. Democrat Bill Owens won, which rightbloggers agreed was a great victory for their ideologically-purified party.

Halloween passed with a groin-shooting and a bus killing.

Governor Paterson, burned and embarrassed by his bumbling attempt to score free World Series tickets, nonetheless pushed for gay marriage and himself in strangely counterintuitive campaign ads.

Bernie Kerik graduated from the mental health ward of Westchester County Jail to, it is expected, prison. Joe Bruno went on trial.

Someone Got Murdered at Clarkson Avenue in Brooklyn, and Allerton Avenue in The Bronx.

A vintage Studies in Crap: the anti-Semitic, pro-Joe-McCarthy, cancer-huckster The Defender.

We had the usual fun with Scientology, watching the wacky presentation of “clear” Tammy Gardner, and reading a guy whom Tom Cruise told to talk to a bottle.

E. coli killed a man, and swine flu sickened a cat. Guess which got more press?

The U.S.S. New York came to town, Al Sharpton tweeted in protest, Coyote Ugly went to Moscow, another drunk cop ran someone down, the Messiah was called as a witness, a man hanged a cat. Tea Party people invaded Congress. Same-sex cuddlers were thrown from a cab, inflaming internet commenters and drawing the support of the Mayor.

R.I.P. Art D’Lugoff, the Fort Hood victims of Major Nidal Malik Hasan, and this week.